2 thirds of my sleeping time

I always thought that statistics is cooler than calculus. There are always new research especially in social science that you can check out from many many journals. Or sometimes they just publish it in the papers and Prof. or Dr. can give conclusions and comments on it (when the ones who did the real dirty jobs are Research Assistants). I had some gigs as a Statistician. From Raw Primary Data to real conclusions and inferences. I keyed in every data, I could comprehend or predict the outcomes.

For tomorrow's tutorial, I decided to create my own Tutorial questions rather than selecting from the text book. When I was brushing my teeth earlier, I thought of examples that my students can relate to so that they will remember hopefully for the rest of their lives. I stumbled upon an interesting fact. Nielson did a study and found out that the average time per person spend on facebook.com is 4 hours and 39 minutes. Sheeishh.. That's almost 2/3 of my sleeping time. Now I can understand Ikhwan's FB status a few weeks back (He is not an FB fan hehe).

The semester will be ending soon and as usual, I will have this weird feeling. Yes. Its called sedih but happy. Happy that I did my job and carried out my responsibilities not only as an academician but also as a big sister. Of course sad. Sad that I dont know when I will ever see them again. Will they remember me or apply whatever I have taught them. Scared. Hope. Hoping that they will be a successful person one day. I dont really mind if they forget me. Knowing that they have achieved their goals in life, I would be the sidelines apart from their parents and family members who will silently share their joy and happiness.

I ended my tutorial paper with this quote:

When you live for a strong purpose, then hard work isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.- Steve Pavlina.

This one is dedicated to my dear husband, Ikhwan.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

-Notting Hill

I love you b :)
Get a new phone already k hehe.. nnt nak call camne? I know you are reading :)

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divine intervention

I brought back home some unsubscribed magazines that has been wrongly sent to my office for the past year. One headline caught my attention.

'Pa, what's divine intervention?'
My dad pointed up with his index finger.
'Ooooo.. tapi kenapa divine intervention?'

He explained that the world intervention came from the word intervene. And I immediately understood.

Yesterday, before reaching home about 730pm, I saw a guy on a motorcycle parked nearby my front door neighbour and he looked suspicious. Because where I live, people don't just hang out, my housing area is abit secluded. So a foreign person sitting there just looks weird. So I circled the whole area 3 times and called my mom informing her about the suspicious person. My mom then called our neighbour and i parked my car in front of her house as she waited by the gate and we casually acted like we borak2.. i left my lights open and pointed straight at him. i guess he felt uneasy and put on his helmet and just left. i called the police to inform them about it and they came to make rounds nearby our neighbourhood.

2 hours later, my brother called telling me that yesterday, same incident happened at the other neighbourhood to a lady who came back from work around my time. she went out from the car and he got mugged by a guy with a parang.

that news shook me up big time. alhamdulillah nothing happened to me. if that person had bad intentions, it was really Divine intervention that had saved me.
alhamdulillah...... really....

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infinigon

I was deeply touched at what he said to me today. Now I know why things that are very rare becomes infinitely precious. It's like the meteor shower phenomena; rare, much awaited for, and breathtakingly amazing. Definitely worth every second of sacrifice of your sleep to witness the event till the break of dawn.

Today I experienced the same feeling when I witnessed the meteor shower in 1998.

Unbelievable.

Cinta itu dalam pelbagai bentuk.
(Love comes in various shapes)

Bentuk infinigon mungkin ?

(Maybe in a shape of infinigon?)

ich liebe meine Mann.
(I love meine Mann)
(Saya cintakan meine Mann)

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maths and stats of life

when i was younger, i used to read a lot. my parents would reward me with books after i finished reading another book and the reward me with another one and another one. till puberty starts to kick in. i changed from reading to writing. the reading i stopped but writing i kept on moving. just recently i started to read again. and felt that how could i have stopped reading all these years? there are just so many talented writers out there bombarding us with amazing stories.

i have mentioned many times that i am a slow reader, just like erin brokovich. but my dad says i type real fast. which is a talent i gained after doing numerous typing jobs to earn extra income (during those days) and of course the late night IRC chats post SPM time.

Post SPM time. those days, those days that I chatted with Ikhwan as a friend not knowing that I would still be chatting with him as his wife 10 years later. the days that I went out with him as friends and that he had come over to my house on my birthday party not knowing that he would come again to seek my parents' consent to marry me.

It's funny how the past, the present and the future are dependent, correlated, varies but somehow remain constant.. It's the maths and stats of life.

for this, i write,
for you, i will write

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those late night shows

Today's German word of the day is die Antwort - reply

In German, the w is pronounced like a v. and the v is pronounced like an f.

I would rather know the truth even though it hurts rather than being comforted with a lie.

This was taken from The Kite Runner. I thought the words are beautiful. Something that we all can relate to really.

In many cases, we could see the vast difference between a man and a woman. I agree that woman are more inclined to using their emotions (I am a woman) and men (manly man) handles most issues using their minds. Which makes them (men) a more appropriate candidate to lead a family. God created woman with such delicacy and perfection, and how complicated we may seem, inside and out, physically and emotionally, we are important to mankind. God created woman after He created man. A woman is made from a man's rib. Close to his heart to be loved and above his feet to be respected.

In The Muslim Bride, I learned a lot of things. Not only how to be a Bride for the day, but also a wife and a daughter and inshaAllah one day a mother. I realized that Allah made men and women not equal. But fair.

Yes, I do miss my husband dearly. Perhaps there are no words could really describe how I feel (sounds like in a song) but really I do. And somehow along our conversations, I know that he misses me too, he may not say it as it as often as I do. but I know he does. coz i know him.. I understand that he has a lot of things going on.. and how I wish I could be there to lessen his burden.. to greet him with a hug and a kiss everytime he comes back from work.. to serve him to eat after a long hard day work.. and bring him sweet deserts and green or red cordial drinks.. to pretend washing dishes after dinner and quietly watch him while he quietly reads my blog to check out what his wife has been up to, to hang out with him playing guitar hero and watch Conan O Brien or 30 rock or Eureka till late night.. I hope and pray that those days will come again soon, inshaAllah..

I know that he loves me as much as I love him. And I also know that he wants me to be patient... cause he is being more than patient.. and he is a much stronger person than I am.. for that, he is my better half.. for that, i too, have to be patient... Maybe I haven't been what I am supposed to be, to I haven't been doing what I should have done.. but I will try to be more patient now.. ok bb ? :)

For you, a thousand times over..

Thinking of you
Thinking of you
Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay... I love you bb..

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water over wine ?

I gave this unknown theory to some of my friends. Today I found out that the theory I gave was inaccurate. Sorry. Instead of 72 hours to take action from when you want to start something, its supposed to be 48 hours (sorry cikyah, wrong info). Please refer to Dr. Fazilah Kamsah on this.

Speaking of Dr. FK, I love to watch his motivational series on OASIS. Since we don't have astro anymore, I only get the chance to watch it when I go to my sister's place or my brother's house. So I was watching it today before iftar, and an interesting quote caught my attention. 'Rasulullah SAW tidak suka pada orang yang berputus asa. Syaitan gemar dengan orang yang berputus asa.'

Giving up. A word that has never been in my dictionary. People who are really close to me would know that I am a very optimistic person, even when the odds seem ridiculous. My tag line would be, 'I will find ways' when at times the roads may look like a dead end. What amazes me most is that God works in mysterious and miraculous ways. And somehow, I worked my way through with the help of Allah. Yes, Allah is always with me. Allah is always with us. Through thick and thin. Prof Razak, a mathematician, a mentor to others and a fellow Muslim shared this and I will remember it always. 'Allah is always with us. When you start anything, you say, bismillah. When you are in doubt, you say, insha Allah.. When you are grateful, you say, Alhamdulilah. Thats what makes Muslims closer to our Creator.'

I consider myself a secrative person. Boleh laa.. my posts are not always about daily things or updates on my life..(only just recently) sometimes its more of a thought of what has happened or something that I would like to think or ponder upon. After trusting the wrong people, its hard for me to share things that are too personal. Some things are better left unsaid. I don't blame them. I blame myself for being too naive and having the wrong judgment call. But there's always something that I can learn from the experience. From that experience, I believe that trust is something that must be gained. It is the total opposite from respect. A person will have my respect until he/she does something to lose it. Simple yet strong words. Trust and respect. Those are strong fundamentals in any relationship. Student - teacher, mother - daughter, father - mother, friend - friend, husband - wife.

I'd like to quote from Dr. FK, 'Allah turunkan musibah kerana Dia menyayangi kita. And tidak mahu kita berputus asa. Kerana di hujungnya, Allah akan menghadiahkan kita dengan nikmat dan rahmat' Cant remember the exact words but that's what he meant.

So maybe when you see someone living a good live and starting to have envious thoughts or comparing your live with them, think for awhile. What that person has gone through to be where he / she is now. The hardships, the sacrifices, the difficulties. They might not share it.. simply because perhaps it was too painful or personal.

I don't memorize versus and quote from them, I wish I could though. Perhaps my knowledge is like a tiny stone in the middle of the ocean. But I learned from experience, mine, and others.. All apologies if this post might have offended anyone. I am just another blogger, with thoughts coming in the middle of the night.

Just take things one step at a time, and everything will be ok cause I know He listens to every thoughts and prayers...

Having said all that, would you choose, water over wine to hold the wheel and drive.. (think really deep. the meaning)

*p/s : i wanted to make the post title 'all apologies' by nirvana but i thought 'water over wine' is wayy cooler, dont u think ?

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my last post before D-day

My MSc. dissertation project was on Bayesian Change Point Analysis vs. Classical Change Point Analysis. The main idea is to see if there are any significant change of mean for a set of data within a given time interval.

In life, there will be a time when there will be a lot of significant change of mean. Change of status, change of mind, change of thinking, change of life, change of height, change of weight, change of work, change of friends, change of routine. Simply said, all these changes that means something to someone is change point (in life).

I will be going through a major significant change in my life. This time last year, I thought that this major change was not gonna happen any time soon.

I am happy for this change, alhamdulillah. A good friend once said that this change is going to complete half of my religion.. This is a wonderful change and I am thankful to Allah that I am blessed with this gift called love.

I think I'll stop blogging for awhile. I will be getting married. This is a major significant change for me, for Ikhwan, for my family, for his family :)

For my dear friend / friends who follows my blog (you know who you are), this change that you are going through, will be your change point as well. For whatever reason that this is happening, just remember that God is with you and I am also with you even though I won't be able to be there physically (I am sorry), but I have you in my prayers, insha Allah.

Can't wait for Saturday.. I am getting married to my significant other, my schoolmate, my bestfriend, my partner in crime, my everything, Muhamad Ikhwan, who completes every single thing about me :)

That's it, I'm dunzo ;)

Dora will be back :)

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my ears, my fingers and my mind

According to a mat rempit interview on Hitz.FM this morning Wikang is willy tayar belakang. Try to solve a long willy ? Longkang? hehehe.

Conversations.

Sometimes when you've been with someone for awhile, you can guess his/her responds towards certain issues.

me : malam ni chelsea vs. barcelona? you sokong yang mane?
mso : barca..

See, i know that he would sokong barcelona. and i know that he would answer it in short form with two dots at the end sebab dia nak cepat gi kerja.

Listening to Colbie Caillat's Realize made me wonder.

Can two people go into deep conversations with two cups of coffee?
or do they need more than two cups?

I realized that I needed to solve this statistically. If K is random variable for cups of coffee
then, the probability can be obtained by applying the Binomial formula


For n is number of people, and the probability of success, p = 0.8 (for coffee addicts) and probability of failure, q = 0.2.

P(K > 2) = ?
P(K > 2) = 2C2 * 0.8^2 * 0.2^0 = 0.64.
Hello ?? Salah jawapan ok. If K > 2, K must be 3, 4, .... and so forth. and our K is from 0 to n. Since n = 2. So conclusion is Most definitely yes. Since answer is 1.00. Like duh~~

Alright. I am officially sangaped from marking exam questions.
More coffee please?

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my new old friend

As I was blogging the previous post, I received a YM msg from an old friend, my classmate in Taiping, Emi. An Ipoh-mali girl who had that gangster-kinda vibe when she walks around. That was Emi back then. It's been years since I met her. Last was sometime during our varsity years. She is now in Aberbeen Scotland doing her phD :) [you rock girl!]

It's funny that a few days ago, I actually thought about her as I was driving at the UiTM roundabout after work. And of all the days, she msged me today.

DJ : aku baru terigt kat ko
DJ : 2 - 3 hari lepas
DJ : masa aku tgh drive kat roundabout uitm
DJ : serius aku x tipu
EMI : waaaa
EMI : hahahahahhaha
EMI : seyes
EMI : coolll
DJ : ko tau tak apa yg aku igt
DJ : ?
EMI : oh dear
EMI : fond memories ke
EMI : not so fond
DJ : hehehe
EMI : hahahahahha
EMI : apa yang ko ingat
DJ : tp ko jgn terasa lak aku ckp ni
DJ : aku terigt
EMI : alamakkk
DJ : ko ada pinjam buku novel aku
EMI : aku merajukk ker
DJ : mase kat ukm
EMI : hahahhahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
EMI : haaaaaaaaaaaaa
EMI : aku dah tak tahu kat mana
DJ : hahahaha (gelak berterabur)
DJ : tu la
DJ : hehehehehe
EMI : aiseyyy
DJ : serius aku x kisah beb
EMI : aku kene mintak ko halalkan ni
DJ : aku just terigt jer
DJ : hehehe
EMI : hahahahahhaha
DJ : aku dah lame halalkan
DJ : hehehe
EMI : lawak jer jay ni
DJ : aku terigt jer
DJ : hehehe jgn marah ek
DJ : xtau apesal
DJ : agaknya Allah dh bg sign
DJ : ckp ko akan msg aku hari jumaat
DJ : ahahahah

The 8 minutes short conversation with her got me thinking about stuff. Stuff that I used to dreamed about but was put aside for awhile. I guess Allah has something else planned for me. Somehow, I hope, I have that chance.. just to dream again...

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my changes

As much as I hate changes, I like changing the color of my blog. As you can see, it's now turquoise (i like to say it as a fancy blue). Only this year, I've changed it 3 times I think.

"The more the world changes, the more I try to be the same.." Kurt Cobain once said..

I guess this is me trying to be the same. I am going through some major changes in my life as well. Well, not just yet, just preparing myself for the changes. But I have somehow managed to survive the changes that I have gone through in my life (although takde la major sangat, but at that time it was pretty significant and substantial)

I have managed to go through puberty, teen hood and peer pressure (Sri Amanian). I was the sidelines between the majority and minority. I hung out with people from several groups, the glamourous, the gangsters, the nerds and geeks, the pious ones and the ones who doesnt belong to any group. Survived.

Then, off to boarding school where I had to go through a 360 culture shock (totally opposite from Sri Aman) where everything was very Islamic, black-and-white-screen-tv-kinda and disciplined and everyone walked really fast because they want to kejar masa (I have adapted to that change, I too, now walk really fast). Survived.

10 years ago. This time, I was at college. I went to some major changes where I was at the state of 'finding my true identity'. My life in college was somesort of like the story KAMI only less drama. And of course having experience my first so called love. It lasted for about 10 months because I guess studies was more important at that time. We stayed as friends but somehow lost contact along the way. Last I heard, he got hitched at 21 and now has a beautiful baby boy. It was a roller coaster ride but alas, Survived.

My first degree in my proud alma mater, my varsity, UKM. Where the trees as big with leaves falling in the evening that gives you that 'study' vibe. Also, another change. Because I went through spoonfeeding studying to self independent studying. I flunked Calculus even though the lecturer was superb but I have always understood Statistics. But I was always average. This major change has effected my life so deeply that I swore to be a good teacher so that they know the proper way of studying. My lecturers were great, it's just that I didn't know the right way to score papers. Somehow I managed to find the secret ingredient where there is no secret ingredient of success, it's just try.. try.. and try again.. and so I did that. Having to go through all that, I survived to obtain my degree in actuarial science with as an average student.

Work life was another new chapter for me. After so many years of being involved in the Malay society, I was the only Malay Muslim with hijab working in a bank where they work hard, drink hard, karaoke hard and party hard and everything was 'ok, no problem'. made some great friends though and they still wonder how I look like without my hijab (till today I think). survived but I moved to another bank where there were less drinking but more work. coming back at 9 - 10 pm was the usual routine especially when payroll starts. survived. but wasn't happy. this was when I ended my 2nd relationship and decided that I need a new life.

A beautiful new chapter starts when I quit my job and magically met my significant other (MSO) who happens to be my very close chat friend 10 years ago and also my schoolmate. In between quitting my job and enrolling for my postgrad, we went out a lot and got really close. A change. A big change. A significant change. will I survive this change ? that's the journey that I am about to embark to, insyaAllah..

my significant other... ich vermisse dich.. es tut mir leid..

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my spectrum of life

My ex-student, a part time model hung out with me today and lend me her book titled Alek (From Sudanese Refugee to International Supermodel). As she walked out from my office she said this,

"Takpe, take your time.. Bila I baca, I felt so inspired.. If dia yang susah susah boleh jadi supermodel, I pun boleh.. ahahahahahah"

Yup, that's right. She's considered quite close to me and calls me babe. Weird ? I know.. Takpe lah, since she is my ex-student and just 2 years younger than me, I'm okay.

Earlier this morning, my current student came by to see me to ask me questions. A very hard working guy and very sincere at heart. Somehow I could see it that he really wants to succeed. Unfortunately though, he is quite weak. I was filled with mixed emotions. I felt that even though he is hardworking but he doesn't know the proper technique of studying. Tapi dia nak berjaya. And at that very moment as I sat there watching him with full of determination trying to redo the question we discussed and trying to comprehend it, the images of Prof SK suddenly popped in my head in a black and white screen and he was saying this,

"It's our duty to guide them.. Not everyone is born smart and brilliant but we can help to shape them to be a successful person. Itu amanah kita.. Sometimes what we do that we might think is a small thing, could mean a lot to them.. "

He told me his CGPA and I could see that he is scared that I might judge him. But I made it clear that he has to work hard to improve on his CGPA. And he will succeed if he has the determination and willpower.. I felt sad when he said this,

"Saya memang tak pandai Maths Miss.. Terus terang saya cakap.. Tapi saya yakin Miss.. Saya akan usaha Miss.. Saya akan buktikan kat Miss yang saya boleh.. Tapi Miss kena tolong saya.. Saya mungkin akan tanya soalan bodoh sebab saya kadang - kadang memang tak paham.. tapi saya malu nak tanya.. nanti orang cakap.. eh dia ni, benda ni pun nak tanya?"

"Takpe.. Senang je, you jumpa saya personally and nak tanya apa - apa pun tanya je.. insyaAllah saya akan tolong"

"Terima kasih miss.. Ni dah citer kat miss ni saya rasa lega sket"

Why do I feel sad ? I wonder who had made him feel scared of asking. When you make them feel scared of asking, you make them feel scared to learn. I feel that no one should feel scared of asking questions..Sayang sekali..

Looking at him made me remember vividly the first time I met with my mentor aka my morrie Prof Aziz when I came to see him telling him my intentions to register for postgraduate school back in 2005.

"Saya memang nak sambung blajar Prof.. Tapi saya bukanlah pelajar yang cemerlang sangat Prof.. Saya average saje.. But I want to be an academician.. Prof rasa saya boleh buat ke ? "

He smiled and said this, "If you betul - betul nak, memang boleh.. saya takde masalah.. Saya memang akan accept student.. Setiap orang tu patut diberi peluang.. kalau ada keinginan.. memang boleh berjaya..."

A few simple words and with that I had the light of confidence to register for my post graduate. Yes, I was not the brightest students. I blame myself for not practising the proper technique of learning. But at least I learned from my mistakes and I can tell my students not to do the same. I was given a second chance in learning and worked hard for it as I know I wasn't the brightest. Pastinya tak tidor malam and literally crying while doing assignments and drinking bottomless coffee almost every night which had made me a coffee addict now. Everytime I always tell myself, "I will get through this... I will get through this.." I am fortunate to have wonderful family members who supported me and friends who fought the battle together.. Those are beautiful memories. I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to learn and thankful for that. The song that had helped me through would be Taylor Hick's Do I make you proud? and everyday before class, I would imagine my parents waiting for me outside the hall with a scroll in my hand.. I always envisioned that.. I guess it's true.. The mind is a very powerful tool..

My room is being visited by students almost everyday. Why ? Because this semester, I have become less garang. I guess to reach out to them, ada cara nya kot.. And I finally found out how..

With all the things happening around me makes my life more colorful nowadays, insyaAllah :)

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my conclusion for confusion

MSO was not feeling well today. After coming back from work, I was online and cooked for abit , made kek batik for the 2nd time (ok, i admit it. the first time punya x jadi. I forgot to put in 1 important item), prepared dinner and basuh pinggan and borak wif MSO.

The usual updating about current events which are abit of a froth. And then I realized something I should do to myself. Perhaps, I should be more KENTAL. The earlier conversation with ShazZain kinda hit me when she said, "sebab ko kadang2 blur benda2 mcmni", which we both agreed is better that overanalyzing things, rite ShazZain?

See, I sometimes can't see or can't read between the lines and get frustrated when the lines are clearly outlined (i do get lost in translation.. I mean, literally.. seriously..). But now, I decided not to weigh it too much over my head and just let it be.. Since I have enough weighing to do with alot of things coming up ahead..cause perhaps.. it Allah's way to protect me :)

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my Sharona and hopefully not lost in translation

I couldnt help but bop my head to the beat of Ma ma ma myyyy sharona on Red 104.9 on the way back from work. The drivers from the opposite side saw me and suddenly bopped their heads too (I know, it sounds so like a Ben Stiller movie or some 30rock episode but that really happened, seriously..).

The day started with a gasp (takut lambat) and a smile (sebab belum lambat.. lagi..). The usual salam ritual with my parents for blessings and I was off to work. I wanted to make today a kick a** day. so I was hyped up with a lot of positive energy around. The morning class with the degree students was alright. Teaching 15 students in a class is manageable (when 14 of them are female students.. and I was singing Paula Cole's where have all the cowboys gone?).

After class, I was approached by a some sort of a Sabahan student who wanted to see me personally for some personal reason. After hearing his story, I said it was okay to enter my class. See, he has a low grade point average and judging from the way he speaks, I guess he is a changed person and is willing to work hard. As long as he has the will, I will too try my best to help him.

The interesting part of the day started in the afternoon with my foundation students. For this semester, I have 6 foundation students consist of 3 Malays, 2 Indians and 1 Chinese. Very muhibbah. I have even planned for them a treasure hunt or some sort of Explorace as one of their assignments. But as I entered the class today, on top of my Muhibbah students, I saw 3 international students. I thought I was in the wrong class. so I stepped out of the class for abit and later on realized that WAS my class. Ok, so no big deal. just 3 Sudanese students. So I had a brief ice breaking session with them and then came another 2. It felt really international when 3 other Sudanese joined the class. Turns out all of them changed courses so that they had to take Statistics.

I have to say, I enjoyed today's class. It was some experience. Studying with international students is very much different as to teaching them. They might get lost in translation. However, I could see that they concentrated in class and were really active compared to our local students. They even made casual jokes with me and actually understood MY jokes :) [ok, you should understand that it is very difficult to crack a joke with students without being offensive but friendly yet accepted and proper ones] And suddenly, from being very much muhibbah, we were very much international.. They also mananged to guess my age right (darn it).

After explaining to them. I asked, "Fahim tum?" and they answered "fahim tum" kot?
And again I asked "la musykil ?" So they figured, I could speak arabic (thanks to my dad's perseverance in studying Arabic, I can throw a couple of phrases). And one of them started to speak Arabic to me.. And I confidently nodded while saying "Na'am.. na'am"
I could see that he figured I was just saying that when I saw him turning to his friend and said something with a question mark kinda tone. And by the looks of his gestures, I think he said "did she understand what I was saying?" ahahaha... And apparently my name is a precious stone or pearl in Arabic if pronounced Durrah.. How cool is that ?

At the end of the class, one of them came up to me and said,
"Very nice lecture. Thank you Miss". No amount of bonuses or part time income could compete the feeling of having a student saying that to you. Indeed very rewarding. It may be a simple phrase but it means a lot to a person. And sometimes you might see your lecturers make that straight face but deep down inside, you have no idea how you make his/her day by saying that. I guess it goes the same way if you express your gratitude to someone. It makes them feel appreciated. So I resolve to say Thank you and mean it more often now :)

Perhaps what I was thinking in my head earlier while driving to work was right. Life is journey. You never know what's ahead of you. You can prepare yourself. Sometimes when you take a turn, you hope for no bumps and no jams. But even when you endure a jam and or bumps, you can always enjoy the journey with some great songs to make you feel happy, wonderful thoughts and never the least, prayers to keep you safe, Insya Allah.

Wish me luck for my challenging challenge this semester.. again.. The class was fun and I hope to maintain that environment for the whole semester and for as long as I am in this industry, InsyaAllah.. Guess I'm gonna have to add up Arabic on top of German language now.. hehehe I enjoy learning languages :)

Winona Ryder, her haircut and everything else in Reality Bites is just so cool.. Enjoy Ma ma ma my sharona.. this had resulted in me bopping my head for about a minute.. you might bop to it too hehe

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my musical

Happy New Year people! Yes, we get ourselves a fresh new planner, diary. we open up a new page. another blank page. and hopefully it shall be written with full of wonderful memories just like 2008. We start with zero, fresh and everything nice.

As for me, 1st January started early and late at the same time. I had the previous post scheduled to be posted on 12.01 am, the first minute of a new year. Of course I celebrated with MSO but during the countdown, the net was really poor and I had to go to the loo. And as I walked out of the toilet, I heard fireworks (dari The Curve agaknya). How I wish I could see the fireworks but I just cannot bear the jam and the crowd. Takpelah. Being at home with your loved ones is not bad at all :) we spent almost 2 hours chatting and he had to go out for dinner and celebrate his new year (7 hour difference).

I woke up at 645 for Subuh prayers and sent him an sms (just nice before his new year) and continued sleeping. I opened my eyes again at almost 1030 and like a zombie I had my breakfast. Had a chit chat with Kak Farah over breakfast and she was telling my types of diamond stones and certificates (interesting). At 11, it all started... I started packing..

For what ? you might ask. I will be moving out real soon.
To where ? you might ask again. Out of my house le.
But why ? (yes, i see you in the red shirt back there asking yourself) We're gonna betulkan the bumbung and atap of our house.

I came to know that I have LOADS of bajus and tudungs and anak tudungs and undergarments. seriously. itu wardrobe. And at this very moment, I still have about 40% packing and clearing up to do. So to make my activity less boring, I decided to put on a DVD. Since I have been watching season 6 of Scrubs, and I find the episode The Musical rather interesting, I chose Sound of Music (one of the 11 DVDs I bought in JB).

Yep. I am an oldie person. MSO always say that I am an ol'skool chic. I watch Grease, Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, listen to The Beatles, Bananarama, Guns & Roses, Def Leppard, big bands and swing music, The Beach Boys (sigh~ those were the days).

So there I was, sitting in the middle of my room basically drowning in a pile of clothes, and singing to ".. the hills are alive... with the sound of music..... " and to my surprise, my room was filled with Kakfarah, Abg Amir and my dad, (my mom jengok gak kekdg) and we all watched the sound of music.. heheh especially the part where they sang My Favourite Things.
[Confession : This is still my favourite song, I listen to it everyday on my way to work from my MP3]

"..girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes... snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes.. silver white winters that melt into spring.. these are a few of my favourite things"



Sigh.. And I wonder.. If only our lives were a musical.. How would it be like....?

jreng jreng jreng... (bunyi lagu yang imagine tu)

Dora : (singing) Mamaaaaaa.... where do I put these boxes.......... ?
Mama : (singing) Just put them over there............
Dora : (singing) I think I still want this Dockers.....
Mama : (singing) Do you think you can still wear......(long)............ (not singing) them.

[Imagination ni saja dibuat supaya the song will rhyme]

I find it funny yet entertaining when everytime I watch a musical, someone from somewhere will pop out and continue the next phrase or verse.. and suddenly you have a group of people unanimously singing the chorus and having the same dance step choreographed so perfectly and when the song finishes, everybody just stop and continue what they were doing as though nothing happened... and suddenly after a few moments, the lead singer will sing just a line or two as the closing while his/her hands open widely into the air.

if only our lives were a musical..

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cheesy malay song..and how things relate

there's a song from this one female malay singer i can't recall who... "yang terindah hanya sementara" .. i cant quite agree with her.. but i can't say that she's wrong.. it's like when i ask my students, "what is statistics ? " bole jawab ker ? if hafal skema jawapan dia.. bole la.. the truth is.. its very subjective...

thats why people don't agree on statistics.. cause it's based on sample.. and different sample will give you different results.. and because it is random.. and it varies.. so, you have a distribution.. a probability distribution... and its probable that the true value of falling into the distribution is possible... although its very subjective.. at times, you can make it objective but getting the right sample...

so back to the song.. hw do u know the song "yang terindah hanya sementara" falls into the right sample ? give it to people who just had their hearts broken.. those are the right ones..

as for me, yang terindah is when you make it.. and it just happen when you least expect it... but when there are expectations.. or great expectations.. there is a pressure for all four corners.. and where there is pressure, there's a force that's forcing it to go the opposite side... however, when you control a certain variable to experiment it, it just somehow happens.. like that visking tube experiment.. at a certain water temperature, the water just penetrates through the tube.. or something like that... that is terindah... thats science and statistics for ya.. and some cheesy malay song..

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my dad's gear box

If only our lives were more like gear boxes. u can easily change gears when you speed up or have the momentum going.. and the best part, go to reverse gear when you overpass a junction. Yes. a junction. a junction in your life, when you're supposed to take a turn at that exact juntion but didn't. maybe you didn't see, maybe you decided not to just yet, maybe you weren't sure of the junction or maybe you just didn't bother to look at the junction.. but in life.. there are no reverse gears.. you can't just decide you wanna make a turn and do a 3-point turn and reverse.. If only.. Life was more like a gear box...

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my predicament (edited)

German word for the day is 'leider' meaning 'unfortunately'.

see in physics we learned that when you are at a different frequency level, you are bound to have interference. simple concept right? well... apparently its wrong..

what do you mean by different frequency? it's all science.. life is all about science. in life, when you have different frequency, susah nak ada chemistry. so we have a negative statement versus another negative statement. negative charge dgn negative charge akan menolak each other..

see what we have here are a group of people in a same place.. with different frequency.. and somehow because they are trapped in a far far away island, are naturally forced to have chemistry amongst each other.. eventually they managed to have that chemistry..

tp somehow, ada some misunderstanding in between that breaks the bond between them.. the
status, the income, the time, the everything.. the most trivial things.. suddenly became the biggest issue.. all because of some misunderstanding..

ok, so what's the fuss is all about? i dunno, being a Taurean, and i guess being brought up by my wonderful parents, they always tell me to be honest / frank to people.. and jangan talk belakang orang.. and i guess i have it in my genes that you have to be as clear and as vocal as possible to avoid things like these... 'misunderstanding'..

in my opinion, don't just assume.. or have this 'paham-paham sendirilah' punye fahaman.. you know.. because sometimes, what other people think may not be the same thing as what you're thinking.. so to avoid this TRIVIAL MATTER.. it would save everyone all the trouble if everyone would just be frank or be honest about things.. daripada cakap2 kat blkg.. so who's fault izzit if other people can't READ YOUR MIND.. we're not heroes here... if you really don't mind about something.. then don't.. but if there's something bothering you, talk.. say it out loud. or at least do something about it..

my predicament? I CAN'T MIND READ.. so don't blame me for something i didn't do or
did unintentionally because opps sorry, leider (unfortunately), i just can't read your mind.. i don't mind you telling me off.. provided, just jangan burukkan my name.. or my family/friend's name for that matter...

(part yg diedit : OMG don't get me wrong ok.. takde kena mengena dgn org yg blog or memberi comment di blog ni.. seriuslyy.. its just some people at work dats all ... jgn salah faham ya.. )

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my secret, your secret

Today's German word is lediglich (cara sebut: lady-glish) which means 'merely'.

Ok so, this morning i woke up at 645.. (sunday tu) i was feeling abit under the weather since thursday.. tp now dah alhamdulillah okay.. Not much update. I finished reading 'The Secret' by Rhonda Bryne and it was very inspirational. Thanks to Kamal Azra who recommended it to me.. and thanks to azlina's friend's friend who lend it to me.. Well basically what 'The Secret' says is that you can have anything you want in life if you just focus and think about it all the time. It also explained the theory that what & where you are now is actually a dream or vision you have before. Therefore if you want more in life, you have to envision yourself living that life everyday. And that there is nothing that can stop whatever you want in life. You cannot even have one single doubt that you will have it. It true though.. I guess..

So I started 2008 by reading 'The Secret' and thought about what I want in life and have starting applying 'The Secret' in my daily life routine. So of course if you think about it, in Islam, we pray 5 times a day. So when we pray, Subuh, pagi2 tu kita doakan apa yg kita nak.. 'The Secret' says, when you wake up, be thankful that you are alive. Show gratitude. So kita ucapkan alhamdulillah.. So there's actually no secret in 'The Secret'. We already know what 'The Secret' is cuma tak praktikkan aja.. So let's praktikkan 'The Secret' and live the life we have always dreamed of..

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my french toast & ym chats

How freaky is that? Sometimes i feel like we have this psycic(spelling) thingy going on.. Din din.. we know each other very well ;)

its wednesday already? how fast time flies when you're having fun.. (ahaha). im starting to prepare my lecture notes for next semester already. starting ahead early this year. so i have almost everything planned out for next semester and also 2008. really looking forward for the next few months.. its gonna be busy busy busy.. i like~.. (i hope)..

so we might go out for our usual - once - in - awhile minom2 ritual later this week.. just to relax chill and unwind.. hehe yup. probably i need some unwinding too.. maybe at this point of our lives, we're searching for something that we aren't sure of.. and wonder..


Like this conversation i had with another friend of mine (nama dirahsiakan atas sebab2 tertentu)..

Sometimes we ask ourselves once in a while those 4 words that makes us gulp and think for hours till you doze off with the lights on.. "Is it worth it?" The question that haunts us all. The question that sorta puts a period sign on every sentence that comes out from your mouth. The question that makes your steps a little slower, your meal tastes a little bitter, you breathe a little faster, you sleep a little lighter.

But the truth is, there are no right answer for that question. In statistics, we learn that there are quantitative variables and qualitative variables. And often a case like this, we shall categorize it as qualitative variable. Where you can't quantify the answer. Because the answers aren't discrete, aren't distinct. its a continuous variable where you can't define a certain point, or a specific answer. When its continuous, the variables can be quantified in a form of a range, or area under the curve.. and an answer for this question has a wide range of statements. and we all know that when the range is large, it varies from many many numerous *myriad opinion.. hence, the variance is large.. and when the variance is large, you are further from the Real answer which nobody has a clue what the Real answer is. Statistics are within us.. and to quantify the worth of what you're doing... to answer the 4-word-question, is really infinit ..

Nonetheless,

[infinity is meaningless, but useful]

*p/s: i just thought of using the word myriad.. not sure if it fits the sentence..

lovey,

-dj-

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