Tuesdays with Mdm D

When I'm working hard to stay alive, that's jihad. When I'm seriously studying, that's jihad.

Someone once told me that when you are studying, it's like jihad. It's like going to war. And the people who are assisting you in the process of learning or studying is like assisting you going to war.

When you are sincere in delivering, the knowledge will reach them somehow.. It's sad to see how people forget to be nice on their way up.. If this is how people become when they are on their way up, then I don't mind staying the same..


Brighter note : kids working hard on my paper. it's nice to see that they enjoy what they learn.

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divine intervention

I brought back home some unsubscribed magazines that has been wrongly sent to my office for the past year. One headline caught my attention.

'Pa, what's divine intervention?'
My dad pointed up with his index finger.
'Ooooo.. tapi kenapa divine intervention?'

He explained that the world intervention came from the word intervene. And I immediately understood.

Yesterday, before reaching home about 730pm, I saw a guy on a motorcycle parked nearby my front door neighbour and he looked suspicious. Because where I live, people don't just hang out, my housing area is abit secluded. So a foreign person sitting there just looks weird. So I circled the whole area 3 times and called my mom informing her about the suspicious person. My mom then called our neighbour and i parked my car in front of her house as she waited by the gate and we casually acted like we borak2.. i left my lights open and pointed straight at him. i guess he felt uneasy and put on his helmet and just left. i called the police to inform them about it and they came to make rounds nearby our neighbourhood.

2 hours later, my brother called telling me that yesterday, same incident happened at the other neighbourhood to a lady who came back from work around my time. she went out from the car and he got mugged by a guy with a parang.

that news shook me up big time. alhamdulillah nothing happened to me. if that person had bad intentions, it was really Divine intervention that had saved me.
alhamdulillah...... really....

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i like this word, pillar

When i woke up i thought a lot about the dream i had a few days ago. It was very clear that I had pictured it vividly. It was replayed over and over again in my mind. I know that it must've meant something. So I told a friend of mine about the dream. it just so happens that she's good at interpreting dreams (not tukang telek ye, more like psychological interpretation).

Perhaps she is right. For the second dream that i had the following day, if only words are prayers. and good words are good prayers, if at that exact moment that Allah heard my prayers and my friend's good words, I am truly thankful.

Today, after class,

'Excuse me Madam. I didn't get your name?'

'Oh.. u didn't come for the first class.. my name is (writing on the white board)'

'Ooo ok.. yes yes. XX told me about u. You taught XX last semester right?'

'Yes i did (smiling). What did XX tell you?'

With that statement, after reaching my office, I poured 3 cups of nescafe and did a whole lot of productive work. Remember how it felt like when your teacher / lecturer writes, 'Good job!' or 'Keep it up!' on your test papers? That's how I felt today. That's why I make it a point to comment on good achievements to motivate my students. U can see the difference. A lot.

The 3 minutes long distance phone call was at 1130 last night. It was worth the wait. What's cool about my husband is that he is super punctual. During the call, I just closed my eyes while listening to every frequency and noise. I could hear his footsteps walking up the stairs, opening the door, opening the other door, and putting his coins and mp3 player on the table and his bag at one corner. It was almost like being there :) One thing I know is that he is passionate about his work. May Allah bless my husband and his hard work and open the doors for his rezeki inshallah. Ameen.

What's new about me? I think, I feel that I am changing. I used to be good at expressing myself in writing, but this time, cant quite describe it with words.

Change for the better, inshallah.

Just like those penceramah, I would like to end this post with a quote taken from the Muslim bride. An advise to Muslim wives.

Be a floor to him, he will be a roof to you; be a soft seat to him, he will be a pillar for you; and be like a slave girl to him and he will be a slave boy to you. Avoid inopportune behaviour, least he should be bored with you; and be not aloof lest he should become indifferent to you. If he approaches you, come running to him; and if he turns away, do not impose yourself upon him. Take care of his nose, his eye and his ear. Let him not smell except a good odour from you; let not his eye see you except in an agreeable appearance; and let him hear nothing from you except nice, fine words.

nice fine words for meine Mann..
Halo bb, ich liebe dich.. Jehtz, ich kann sprechen Deutsch bb, ya? :)
shon tag noch :)
auf wiederhoren
Gute Nacht b!
von Ihrer Frau..

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real rewards

'Puan, puan mesti penat kan ajar saya? Berkali kali cakap pun tak paham paham jugak..'

What do you say to a very weak student but is willing to learn?

I was saying to myself, Sabar sabar...

Who said being a lecturer is easy ? Screaming for 6 hours with heels walking around class and entertaining each and everyone of your students. repeating.

learn
relearn
unlearn

That's what they taught us in the Teaching and Learning Course.

What i need now, is a lot of patience. a lot. like, really a lot. Hey, patience has its rewards. i truly believe in that....

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you can't have it all... or can you ?

Aller Anfang ish schwer. Everything's hard at first.

I am actively learning German with discipline and consistency. I am more focused now since I have a certain target and goals to achieve. It's like not aiming only at the tiang gol, but exactly at the tayar bersangkut pada tiang gol tu, like Beckham does his football training. And to me, those goals are abit personal. Yeah yeah, i like to share. but not in detail. i don't want just anybody to know what's exactly happening to my life. i update this blog cause i like writing and i know people would be like hey wats up ye dgn djdorrr? jom baca blog dia kejap. then if i bagi sikit, there would be a reason to call / contact me if anyone of my friends would like to know the details ;) smart rite ? smart i am yes.

Ikhwan n I have been online a lot since this whole week. Like I mentioned above, everything is hard at first. that's why we keep ourselves busy so that time would pass by quickly.. so that when i go to work, i would look forward for lunch time.. and when i'm about to sleep, i would study my German before staring at my phone waiting for his call immediately he comes out of office. and i know that he plays rock band a lot so that when i am there again, he will be an expert at his guitar.. and drums! (cabaran ni b hehe). of course the singing job is left for me. hehe.

I have been receiving numerous comments on facebook regarding my wedding and my trip. Thanks people :) Yes, I am lucky n thankful that I got the opportunity to spend a month with my husband in a foreign land, an experience that I will never forget. Wenn einer eine Reise macht, so kann er 'was erza:hlen.

Ikhwan has been great. He has be patient with me by asking me to be patient... the wedding, the trip.. the everything.. for everything has its time.. and the time has always been perfect.. cause God made it that way.. and again he never fails to tell me to be patient.. again.. and everytime that he does, i will be.. because somehow i know that with patience, the wait is gonna be worth it.. just like how i've been patient all this while..

Alhamdulillah I have a great guy as my husband. I have my reasons why I say that. He's my husband, my soulmate, my bestfriend, my time keeper, he makes me happy, he is everything that i could ever wish for and more.. only that he is 11,000 kms away.. and i cant have him next to me anytime i want to..

but in one of our talks, i realized that this is how it was meant to be for us. this is his sacrifice for a better future. yes, it's hard for me. but it's harder for him. and for that, i realized that i need to be strong for him. i need to give him all the support that he needs. and that is what i will do from now on.. :) i am getting stronger everyday and learning to accept the fact that its only temporary.. and that we will be united again soon insha allah :)

There are reasons why we got hitched when we got hitched. don't question; why now? why here n there? why this n why that?.... we know why. that's all that matters. Though I cant have him next to me. But he is always in my heart, in my mind. and i know that i am too in his heart and in his mind. Everything that I do, he is with me. and i can hear his jokes in my mind and laugh alone when i think of it.. (ikhwan is actually very funny)..

I am not complaining. I am accepting the fact and looking forward for the future.. cause for now, that is what we are holding on to.. the future.. perhaps one day, we can have it all..

God willing

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my friday night : my friday morning story

Being at home and not being able to do anything except for walking a little and disturbing my other friends at work by SMSing them using my 800 free SMSes from my 2nd line, Hotlink, sometimes can be quite a bore. Just for this time, I cannot do my funky dance everytime I get an MC from a doctor. Reason : I just can't move. Reason : I fell down dalam keadaan tidak sedar. Result : A very bad backache.

The last few days has been terrible for me and I guess it was really some sort of dugaan kot. Imagine you lying down on the bed and your handphone rings and you can't reach it even though it's like 10 cm away. Imagine not being able to take a loo without having to call someone (my mother is the best) to carry you to the toilet. Imagine not being able to go to work when you are mentally and emotionally healthy but physically unhealthy. Imagine not being able to drive your car or reaching for the remote control. All you're able to do is just lay down and listen to MP3? Nak baca buku pun lenguh tangan lame lame.. Well, that was what I experienced for the past few days.

Sememangnya setiap orang itu diduga dengan macam - macam ujian. But after all that has happened, I believe Allah is protecting me. Everything happened for a reason. And this happened was for a reason. A reason that only myself will know one day. Thanks to everyone who had prayed for me, my beloved family members, my super cool friends, my wonderful students and mind blowing fellow bloggers..

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my support for earth day

I took 'time off' from the office today to settle some errands. when i reached home, it was pouring rain. my plans for the weekend are going to KL (chow kit area) to get some stuff. yup, i will bring my SLR along and will post some pics too :)

It has been a fast moving March (marching March). Sedar - sedar je dah end of the month. The semester it almost ending now. How do I feel ? I feel happy and satisfied. I feel that I have improved my teaching skills alot this semester, alhamdulillah. And hopefully, I'll keep the momentum going till forever :)

It's Friday night. And no, I do not have any plans of going out for drinks at mamak tonite for some reason I cannot explain.

Next week it'll be April. And I will turn (cough) 18 on 6th May 2009. I think I wanna throw myself a birthday bash this year.. hehehe.. or perhaps.. someone might plan a birthday bash surprise FOR me... wouldn't it be superbly cool hehe!

Btw, don't forget to switch off your lights from 830 - 930 tomorrow for the Earth Day!

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celebrating life and accepting death

On Saturday night, I had a deep and long talk with MSO. A lot of stuff. It had led us to one topic. Life. Celebrating life. Without realizing, I was talking about how thankful I am that I am able to just live. Live life. I wake up everyday feeling happy, alhamdulillah. I get to live for another day. Alhamdulillah for everything that I am blessed with. No matter how hard things might get, I believe Allah is with me. Everytime.

I woke up at 6 on a Sunday morning when my mother read the SMS on her handphone and said, "Achik manap dah meninggal.." My uncle who has been in ICU for a month in Taiping had just passed away.

It was somehow expected but unexpected. On Saturday my mother just updated me on his status. He was unconcious after his operation and after so long, yesterday, he finally was concious and was able to talk and greet people like normal but of course very weak after his operation.

It was also my nephew, Aman's 5th Birthday celebration. But unfortunately, we could not go since we had to drive up to Taiping to pay our last respect to my dear uncle. At 9, we stopped by at Bukit Subang and gave Aman's presents and hung out with him for awhile. After that, we drove to Taiping and finally reached there at 1.00 pm.

Taiping. I once said to Meg, I don't mind staying in Taiping. It's such a nice place to stay. My uncle's house was just nearby Tesco Taiping. I used to hang out at his place almost every fortnight while studying there. And I can eat nasi kosong at his house for one whole place because the nasi there is just nice. He would buy for me and my parents kuih like goreng pisang or ubi goreng for tea. And the water at his house is as cold as the water in the Bukit Larut waterfalls.

My late uncle is a penchant man. He raised 5 good sons and they inherited his talent in arts. They're all architect or at least doing something in that area. He would go to the mosque with his motorbike and reads Harakah and talk about politics with anyone that passes by. He was very friendly. And he and his wife would buy one meal and share the meal together. Which I think is very sweet for a 70+ year old couple.

My late uncle. The one who teases me every time he meets me. "Kamu ni duduk umah Wan Yong, disuruhnya masak sambal petai.. ye?" My late uncle. Who loved to talk with just anyone. My late uncle. The one who took good care of me when I was in Taiping. And welcomed us with such warmth everytime we hung out at his place.

We stayed for his funeral to give our last respect. That's the least we could do. Once again, I witnessed the beauty of Islam. Where everything has it's timing. Everything was done with such manner, such perfection, such symbolic. Islam teaches us to learn about death. And this experience was a real eye opener for me. We cry for the passing of a person. But we learn that life is short where it starts with Adzhan when we were first born, and ends with Solat right before we are sent back to the Al-Mighty Allah.

Al - Fatihah to my late uncle, arwah Abdul Manaf bin Abdul Aziz. A great man. Who shall be missed..

May you rest in peace.. and have Allah's blessings, insyaAllah.

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my reflection

When I got out of work this morning, there was a full moon and it was beautiful. MasyaAllah. And right at this very moment, the night is still and quiet, and as the moon is giving light to earth, it had also brought me an inspiration to write this entry..

It was the birth of our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W, Maulidul Rasul, (Peace be Upon Him) on the 12th Rabi'al-Awwal. As an Islamic country, we Malaysians celebrated it. For Malaysian, it would mean, another public holiday. Going back to hometown and facing jam. Waking up late and not going to work. Yes. I admit. That would be me. Except for going back to hometown since my home is my hometown :)

I have been asking myself, what is this emptiness inside of me ? Why am I so kalot and I have lost track of my time and time management is just.. out. I remember a talk I attended during the Holy month of Ramadhan. It sounded like this "Make time for Allah, and Allah will make time for you". Whoever who said that would not know how much I value those words.

Yes. Perhaps, I haven't been making enough time for Allah. Shamefully, I only pray for 5 minutes and honestly, it's hard to be khusyu' during prayers. 5 X 5. That's 25 minutes of 24 hours. Maybe, that's why I have been feeling empty lately...

I had a good chat with one of my students. He gave me MP3s of all the Surah in the Quran. And I ask him this,

Ms.D : So you can understand when you read the Quran ?
Stdnt : Yes, of course.
Ms.D : That's the perk of knowing how to speak Arabic. So you can read just like that ?
Stdnt : No. When we read, we don't just read. We also listen to others who read and follow. Because if we read differently, the meaning is also different. So we want to read properly and know the proper meaning.
Ms.D : (amazed) So you can read the Quran fast ? Can you finish in a day ?
Stdnt : Hehe... No.. Even if we sit and read from morning without any interruptions, the whole day can finish about... 3/4.
Ms.D : (masih amazed) Wow..
Stdnt : But during Ramadhan month, I read 3 juzu' in a day. So can finish the whole of Quran during the last 10 days of Ramadhan.
Ms.D : (amazed lagi)
Stdnt : You know Tahjud? During the last 10 days of Ramadhan ? When waiting for Tahjud prayers, we read the Quran.
Ms.D : (amazed tak terkata dan akhirnya berkata) You read the Quran everyday here?
Stdnt : Yes, yes.. everyday.. but not so much.. only 1 or 2 Surah a day. (smiling shyly) Sometimes half a Surah a day..
Ms.D : That's good practice. You know if you read the Quran always, you have sharp memory..
Stdnt : I must be doing something wrong cause my memory is not so sharp(laughing)

And the conversation went on for more than an hour. After he left, I felt so small. Malu dengan diri sendiri. There he was telling me that he reads the Quran everyday and not having a sharp memory.. I thought about myself.. How often do I recite the Quran ? During school days, yes. I was in boarding school and every Friday night (malam Jumaat) we recite the Surah Yassin. And perhaps, before Maghrib prayers, we recite other Surah. But how about now ?

I not only teach my students, but everyday I learn something new from them. For this, I want to share. As humans, we tend to forget. That's our nature. But it's always good to remind ourselves and others. InsyaAllah.

Say (O Muhammad ): "Verily, my Salat (prayer), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, the Lord of the 'Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists).
Surah Al-An am. 162.

Can we ever be as genuine as this? Wallahu'alam.

Salam Maulidul Rasul.

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my last working hour of thursday for this week

Salam. It's 4.46 Thursday. I know I shouldn't be doing this. Blogging di waktu kerja. Tapi kepala rasa macam nak pecah, especially the right brain ( I use that a lot cause I am a leftie). Berdenyut2 pun ada (people say it's migraine, is it?) Anyways, I love this time of this hour because my classes for the whole week is now over. Woohoo!!!

I don't know why, I have been tired the whole week. Balik rumah je, after dinner and chores, I would sleep, tak sempat nak have the 10 mins LDR phone call with MSO. Senang citer, I am exhausted kot. But why ? I really don't know. Is it the time of the month ? (dah lepas.. ) Is it the workload? (biasa..) Is it the MQA? (dah lepas..) Is it the endless meetings? (thank God dah kurang..) Is it house ? (dah tak kacau dah..) Is it the food ? (asik makan je..) Is it my students? (biasa dah.. ) What is it really ? Why do I feel tired and bercampur baur stress sikit2 ? I have changed the position of my table in the office, I am trying to finish off the bakul bakul papers to mark... oh wait! that's it... the bakul bakul papers to mark... that's why....... heh~

I would like to quote this from my roommate, "Banyak dosa yang kita dah buat tanpa sedar, takkan nak buat dosa lagi bila sedar?"

Betul meg.

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sekali lagi..

Once again, I cried in front of my laptop. Saudara Fajar's blog has touched me so deeply that I wish I could visit his son. I don't know why. I have never met these people, they live continents apart, we could be related (bau bau bacang), neighbours or schoolmates or probably pernah jumpa tepi jalan but I can really relate to his story. I have been following baby Amir Yusuf's condition for almost 3 months now.

Reading his entry today made me realize that how everybody has their own parts. or in BM, bahagian masing - masing. Allah tidak akan berikan seseorang itu sesuatu ujian kalau dia tidak dapat menghadapinya. Baby Amir Yusuf, saudara Fajar and family are strong people to be handling this. Allah believes that they can get through this. And baby Amir Yusuf is lucky to have them as parents.

And suddenly.. teringatkan my nephew arwah Rafiq..

We miss you Rafiq..

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my forwarded email : Allah hanya memanggil Kita 3 kali saja seumur Hidup.

I got this in my email.. and it hit me.. just thought of sharing with all of you...

Allah hanya memanggil Kita 3 kali saja seumur Hidup.

Renung-renungkan Dan selamat beramal..

Saat itu, Dhuha, Hari terakhir aku di Masjid Nabawi untuk menuju Makah....... , aku bertanya pada
Ibu, Ibu adalah pemilik Maknah Tour Travel dimana saya bergabung untuk Umrah Di Bulan July 2007 yang lalu.

'Ibu, kataku, Ada cerita apa yang Menarik dari Umrah....? ( Maklum, ini pertama kali aku ber Umrah). Dan Ibu,
Memberikan Tausyiahnya.

Kebetulan umrahku dimulai di Madinah selama 4 Hari, baru ke Makah.
Tujuannya adalah mendapatkan saat Malam Jumat di depan Kabah.

Ibu berkata...' , * Allah hanya memanggil Kita 3 kali saja Seumur hidup*

Keningku berkerut.... ....'Sedikit sekali Allah memanggil Kita..?'

Ibu tersenyum. 'Iya, tahu tidak apa saja 3 panggilan Itu..?'
Saya menggelengkan kepala.

'Panggilan pertama adalah* **Azan*', ujar Ibu.

'Itu adalah panggilan Allah yang pertama. Panggilan ini sangat jelas Terdengar di telinga Kita, sangat kuat
Terdengar. Ketika Kita sholat, sesungguhnya Kita menjawab panggilan Allah.
Tetapi Allah masih fleksibel, Dia tidak 'cepat marah' akan sikap Kita. Kadang Kita terlambat, bahkan tidak sholat sama sekali karena malas. Allah tidak marah seketika. Dia masih memberikan rahmatNya, masih memberikan
Kebahagiaan bagi umatNya, baik umatNya itu menjawab panggilan Azan-Nya atau Tidak. Allah hanya akan membalas umatNya ketika Hari Kiamat nanti'.

Saya Terpekur.... .Mata saya berkaca-kaca. Terbayang saya masih melambatkan sholat Kerana meeting lah, mengajar lah, Dan lain lain. Masya Allah.......

Ibu Melanjutkan,Panggilan yang kedua adalah Panggilan* Umrah/Haji*

Panggilan ini bersifat halus. Allah Memanggil hamba-hambaNya dengan Panggilan yang halus Dan sifatnya 'bergiliran' ..
Hamba yang satu mendapatkan Kesempatan yang berbeda dengan Hamba yang lain. Jalan nya bermacam-macam. Yang tidak punya uang Menjadi punya uang, yang tidak merencanakan, ternyata akan pergi, Ada Yang memang merencanakan Dan terkabul.

Ketika Kita mengambil niat Haji / Umrah, berpakaian Ihram Dan melafazkan 'Labaik Allahuma Labaik/ Umrotan',
Sesungguhnya Kita saat itu menjawab panggilan Allah yang Ke dua.

Saat itu Kita merasa bahagia, karena panggilan Allah sudah Kita jawab, meskipun panggilan itu halus sekali..

Allah berkata, Laksanakan Haji / Umrah bagi yang mampu'.

Mata saya semakin Berkaca-kaca. ........Subhanal lah....... .saya datang Menjawab panggilan

Allah lebih cepat dari yang saya rancangkan.. ...Alhamdulill ah...

'Dan Panggilan ke-3', lanjut Ibu, 'adalah* KEMATIAN*.

Panggilan yang Kita jawab dengan amal Kita. Pada kebanyakan kasus, Allah tidak Memberikan tanda tanda secara langsung, Dan Kita tidak mampu menjawab Dengan lisan Dan Gerakan. Kita hanya menjawabnya dengan amal sholeh. Karena Itu , Manfaatkan waktumu sebaik-baiknya. ..Jawablah 3 panggilan Allah Dengan Hatimu Dan sikap yang Husnul Khotimah.... .......Insya Allah Syurga adalah Balasannya.. ...'

** Mata saya basah di dalam Masjid Nabawi , saya sujud bertaubat pada Allah Karena kelalaian saya
Dalam menjawab panggilanNya. ....Kala itu hati saya makin yakin akan KebesaranNya, kasih sayangNya Dan dengan semangat menyala-nyala, saya mengenakan Baju Ihram Dan berniat..... ....Aku menjawab panggilan UmrahMu, ya Allah, Tuhan Semesta Alam........ **

*Huraisy*

*Pada Hari Kiamat akan keluar seekor binatang dari neraka jahanam yang Bernama 'Huraisy'
Berasal dari anak kala jengking. Besarnya Huraisy ini Dari timur hingga ke Barat. Panjangnya pula seperti jarak langit Dan bumi.

Malaikat Jibril bertanya : 'Hai Huraisy! Engkau hendak ke mana Dan siapaYang kau Cari?'
Huraisy pun menjawab, 'Aku mau mencari lima Orang.'

Pertama, orang yang meninggalkan sholatKedua, orang yang Tidak mahu keluarkan zakat.
Ketiga, orang yang durhaka kepada ibu Dan Bapaknya. Keempat, orang yang bercakap tentang dunia di dalam
Masjid. Kelima, orang yang suka minum arak.'*

Sampaikan pesanan ini
Biarpn 1 ayat.. Wallahualam*

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MasyaAllah

I have this thing that I like to relate an event with a certain song to describe a mood or a feeling. For this semester, I am teaching four different groups. I will sometimes have My Chemical Romance's Teenagers or Kurt Kobain's Smells Like Teen Spirit song played in my head. And when I am in a hopeful mood, my mind will change to Twista's Hope track.

Every time I walk down the stairs for class, after reciting some prayers, my heart will start pounding thinking if my students can cope with the day's class. I have a mental target in my head, at least the whole class must understand 70% of the day's lesson.

No, I do not have a proper lesson plan i.e ice breaking, introduction, first 10 minutes and so forth. That's because I do not have an education diploma. I just jumped into this field after completing my post grad. Not that it is bad, I get to experiment what kind of methods to use to teach these kids and different groups have different level of understanding and different people in each group has a different pace. It very much varies according to strata and cluster (ok dah keluar statistics terms la pulak)

Last Friday's meeting in Shah Alam (sigh) was okay I guess. I pointed out about having the appropriate pace in teaching. I was surprised that some lecturers finish their syllabus after week 7! Ape ni ? Gila ka?

So as usual, I did tutorials for degree class and taught a new chapter for Foundation. Measures of Dispersion. See, I managed to resolve the problem about having to wait for them to copy the notes from the white board. I gave them photocopied notes intead and left some places blank and discuss in class. Spoon feeding ? Well, I have to say, to a certain extend, yes. But you have to be in my shoes to comprehend my situation and my justifications on why I did that. I am chasing time. We all are. But I am not crazy enough to finish ALL my syllabus at week 7. That is just simply demented and I would say, melepaskan batuk tepi tangga.

Since I am under the Academic Quality Assurance committee, I have learned a lot about things like continuous quality improvement, life long learning, how to improve the quality of teaching, the quality of academics, problem based learning, bla bla (boring stuff you might say) but I find it to be a wonderful experience.

And also, Since I am under the Academic Quality Assurance committee, the Dean has asked me to present a Seminar on this. Scared? Yes. Its a tough task and I am scared that I might dissimenate the wrong information. But it's an amanah that I have to fullfill. I hope the faculty would take this as a continuous quality improvement thingy, and not think of me (who has merely 1 year and a half experience) berlagak bagus nak citer pasal mengajar. [yup, sadly some people has this mentality "alah, ko macam bagus nak cakap2 nasihat2 orang, tengok diri sendiri la.."] I think if everybody has that thinking, humans who serve as khalifah on this world can never advise people. because we are only humans who make mistake. And it is our duty to remind each other. If I forget, please remind me.. and I will do the same. I believe that is how we make this world somehow, a better place.. However, sadly, there are people who are so negative and somewhat egoistic and can NEVER take advice from people. They tend to think they are right when sometimes they are very wrong. They make assumptions about other people, they blame everyone else but themselves for everything. These type of people, I would say, are very bitter and they will never see the cup as half full. What a pity..

Yes, why suddenly lashing out all these point? I guess experience has taught me a lot. Yup, I dare not say I am pious but I appreciate if people remind me things that I might forget because sometimes I do.. And I believe it works both ways.. Unfortunately, people misconstrued the message..

After class, I met up with some students and this made my day:

Me : How are you guys coping up with class?
Student : Alhamdulillah okay teacher. The way you teach is.. Masya Allah.. everyone is talking about it.
Me : (MasyaAllah katanya? Teruk sangat ke aku ngajar?) Why? Is there anything wrong with the way I teach? What did they say?
Student : No no.. we understand. They say you teach very good. We understand. We enjoy your class.. Is Alhamdulillah.. Statistics is okay..
Me : Really? Alhamdulillah.. Well, please come and see me more often if you don't understand so that I can help you.
Student : InsyaAllah teacher.

MasyaAllah. And that is why, I never give up teaching.

*Note : I came to know that MasyaAllah can also be used to describe good things.

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There's Gotta Be More To Life

I'm listening to Stacie Orrico's voice singing "there's gotta be more to life..than chasing down every temporary high.. to satisfy me... " on Hitz. (Rudy and JJ dah split btw and it's JJ and Ean now.. )

I think what Stacie is going through is what most people are going through also.. always wanting more in life.. which is good.. it makes you strive harder for your future.. but there is one part of life that makes it balanced is being content with your state.. of course Islam encourages us to work hard to succeed in life and also being wasatiah in leading our lives.

I have a confession. Although I have a good steady job with a fairly ok-pay, alhamdulillah.. but do you ever feel that sometimes, something is missing.. ?

Perhaps I haven't been sincere to myself during work.. Perhaps I haven't been praying hard enough.. (lps smbhyg je doa sket and terus lipat sejadah cepat2).. Perhaps I should be doing something but I didn't and that's why I feel this emptiness.. Bukan empty apa .. just.. empty... Yes, there's gotta be more to life.. Perhaps time is a factor.. I'm always chasing time.. Always thinking about time.. the past, the present, the future.. is there enough time? Will there be time? I need more time.. And ironically though, the time spent thinking about 'time' itself has already been occupied when I could use the time to execute my actions.

I realized this during one of the talks I attended during Ramadhan. Someone said, "Luangkan sedikit masa untuk Allah, dan Allah akan meluangkan masa untuk kita.. " I watched the crowd when this person was saying this to the public.. some listened attentively, some were dozing off.. and I thought wow.. what this person just said was a big hit to me.. it hit me hard.. if i could spend an hour to watch House and another hour to watch Chuck on AXN, and I only spend 5 X 5 = 25 minutes for prayers ? or maybe less.. I feel ashamed of myself..

Kenapa tiba2 mcm Islamic dan sangat alim Dora ? I don't know.. I am not being poyo or what.. I am not that ustazah telling you what to do or what not to do.. I guess I am going through a self-realization moment.. I guess I want to share it here kot.. I might forget later on.. today, tomorrow, next week or next year.. I hope when that happens, Allah will give me a message or a sign so that I remember.. The korban event was a real eye opener to me...

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Eid Ul Adha

Apakah ertinya Pengorbanan ?

Yesterday I watched korban for the first time at my housing area masjid.. It was indeed an experience I will never forget. I brought my two nephews, Ashraf and Farhan to witness korban. And Farhan just hugged my kaki while peeping by the side the whole time, really cute.. and when he saw it on the news about korban, he goes "lembu!lembu!".. smart baby..

What I wanna share is that I feel how shallow my knowledge is about Islam and its histories. I forgot about the korban story and I had to ask my mom to understand the true message conveyed through this whole event.. I also did some search through the internet and I just found out that there are some fatwa saying that korban is wajib for people who mampu.. And I pity myself. I felt pity because here I am spending my $ for myself and I didn't even do korban. Of course I wanted to but at the very last minute, tak sempat. I hope if ada rezeki yang cukup dan umur yang panjang, I would like to do korban one day.. insyaAllah..

Watching people at the masjid gotong royong potong2 daging and helping each other made me realize how strong the ukhwah is among the Muslim society in Kg Tunku. The smile on everybody's faces, how they willingly helped without the hopes of any balasan, but because of keikhlasan.. I felt sorry for myself for not witnessing this is the past Aidiladha before.. I kept on thinking about my own sellfish life, my own schedule, and how I am soo busy to go to the mosque to witness korban but how I can make time to go to Midvalley or The Curve and how I forgot that Aidiladha is a meaningful event, not just a public holiday and staying at home to enjoy another day not going to work. Aidiladha is more than that.. It is pengorbanan seseorang tanpa mengharapkan balasan, korban kerana ikhlas, korban kerana Allah swt... I pity myself.. for I have been oblivion about the beauty of Islam..

So what is the true meaning of korban for you ? Salam Aidiladha to all Muslims around the world.. May this korban be a meaningful event to you as it was to me... :)

Will post some pictures soon..

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Apakah perasaan seorang guru?

Apakah perasaan seorang guru?

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila dia sedang mengajar dan pelajar berbual2 di dalam kelas sambil bergelak ketawa? Dia hanya berkata di dalam hati kecil nya "ah, biarkan lah mereka, nanti mereka akan berhenti bercakap. kalau menegur, nnt mereka yang akan kecil hati."

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila dia sedang mengajar dan melalukan sedikit kesilapan dan membetulkannya di whiteboard dan pelajar mengeluh dan berkata, "alaa...dah salin dah". Dia hanya berkata di dalam hati kecilnya, "ketika kau membuat kesilapan, aku hanya bersabar dan menunjukkan kamu jalan yang sebenarnya."

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila dia sedang mengajar dengan penuh semangat selama hampir dua jam berdiri dan bercakap, dan pelajar yang duduk dengan penuh selesa menguap sekuat hatinya dengan sengaja bagi menandakan masa hampir tamat. Dia hanya berkata di dalam hati kecilnya, "Mungkin mereka sudah penat kot. tak apalah"

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila memulangkan markah ujian pelajar dan pelajar hanya menanya balik padanya "kenapa markah saya sikit sangat??" Dia diam seketika dan berkata di dalam hati kecilnya, "mungkinkah aku yang tidak cukup bagus mengajar mereka?"

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila dia mengajar di dalam Bahasa Inggeris bagi menghormati pelajar bangsa lain dan mereka hanya bergelak ketawa di belakang kerana merasakan pelik apabila seorang Pensyarah Melayu berbahasa Inggeris dengan pelajar Melayu. Dia berkata di dalam hati kecilnya, "Tidak apalah, asalkan aku menjalankan tanggungjawabku untuk menyampaikan ilmu itu dengan jelas dan nyata."

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila dia menyediakan nota dan membuat salinan untuk pelajar itu dan dia pada akhir kelasnya melihat kertas itu melayang di atas lantai dan dipijak2 oleh pelajar lain dan akhirnya dimasukkan di dalam tong sampah. Dia berkata di dalam hati kecilnya, "hmm, tidak apalah, mungkin tercicir agaknya.."

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila melihat anak muridnya dapat menjawab dengan betul soalan - soalan peperiksaan ? Dialah yang berasa paling gembira di hatinya.

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila anak muridnya masih mengingati padanya apabila terserempak di mana mana? Dialah yang berasa paling terharu.

Apakah perasaan seorang guru apabila anak muridnya naik di atas pentas dan mendapat sekeping ijazah dengan senyuman yang sangat gembira dan melambai - lambai pada ibu bapanya ? Dialah yang berasa paling gembira.

Terima kasih kepada semua guru - guru yang telah mendidik saya selama ini sehingga saya menjadi seorang pendidik kepada generasi baru ini.

Maafkan cikgu2 saya sekiranya ada yang saya lakukan di atas, kerana pada ketika itu, saya tidak matang dan kini, saya tahu apakah perasaannya guru..

all rights reserved.
-written by dora.j-

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Sayang kan ?

Starts : 1025 PM

Someone once said to me, "Live your life without any regrets".

When I was much younger (mcm dh lame jer hehe), biasalah, budak2 mmg nakal sikit. Sikit jer. I like to try new things (konon experiment) and just break the rules (abit) once in a while (biasalah kot). So, when my students do crazy stuff or just trying to be the young ones they are right now, I kinda know some of their tricks (been there, done that).

However, I do not regret how I lead my life. I am what I am today because of what I was yesterday. So, alhamdulillah. Whatever mistakes I have done before is a lesson for me to learn, probably some bad experiences, or unwise decisions, I have dealt with and learned to live with it. I have never blamed anyone for what had happened to me.

Why this sudden post? See, I am working as an academician. And as an academician, I deal with a lot of people. And most people might say that my work is easy because I just teach. See, that is where people who assume that are wrong. I do not JUST teach, I believe that my responsibility goes beyond that. I am responsible to shape a person, academically. and I believe that I take my job very seriously. I have been a lecturer for about a modest 1 year and 3 months to be precise. And as far as I can remember, I have never regretted venturing in this line.

I always tell my students. "Please, do as I tell you. Don't have any regrets when you see your marks. Don't blame others for what you are responsible for. You have a big responsibility, to learn. and my responsibility is to teach and to guide you. So I take this big task seriously. and I hope you do too." Some take it seriously. Some just don't bother. Some want to but just do not have the strong willpower to do so. Whatever it is, I hope that my students will not have any regrets.

"If only I studied harder"
"If only I submitted my assignments"
"If only I paid attention in class"
"If only.... "

I remind my students and myself as well and the fellow readers.. Please.. have no regrets.. just live your life.. or just.. embrace life.. and just live.. Cause your life is a too precious and a beautiful gift for you to waste..

Please throw away all your regrets.. your negative vibes.. your anger.. your hatred.. your jealousies.. your sadness..

Wouldn't it be a waste if one day you wake up and you realized that all your life has been filled with all those feelings.. and you are old and have lived your life but was never happy.. never vibrant and never lived? Sayang kan ?


Ends : 1045 pm

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PAKU

I got this email from a friend and i thought it was very well said... Listen to the moral of the story.. maybe we could all learn from it...

Ada seorang pemuda yang sangat pemarah. Dia tidak dapat mengawal
kemarahannya walaupun ianya hanya satu masalah kecil sahaja. Pada suatu
hari, bapanya telah menghadiahkannya dengan seguni paku. "Untuk apakah
paku-paku ini ayah?" tanya pemuda tersebut. "Setiap kali kamu marah,
kamu pakulah tembok batu di hadapan rumah kita ini, bagi melepaskan
kemarahan mu" jawab ayahnya. Pada hari yang pertama sahaja, pemuda itu telah memaku sebanyak 37 batang paku pada tembok batu tersebut. Selepas beberapa
minggu, setelah dia dapat mengurangkan kemarahannya, jumlah paku yang digunakan
juga berkurangan. Dia mendapati, adalah lebih mudah mengawal kemarahannya
dari memukul paku menembusi tembok batu tersebut. Akhirnya tibalah pada
suatu hari, dimana pemuda tersebut tidak marah, walau sekali pun. Dia pun
memberitahu ayahnya mengenai perkara tersebut dengan gembira. Bapanya
mengucapkan tahniah dan menyuruh dia mencabut kembali paku itu satu
persatu, pada setiap hari yang ia lalui tanpa kemarahan. Hari berganti hari, dan
akhirnya dia berjaya mencabut kesemua paku-paku tersebut. Pemuda
tersebut lantas memberitahu perkara tersebut kepada bapanya dengan bangganya.
Bapanya lantas memimpin tangannya ke tembok tersebut dan berkata "Kau telah
melakukannya dengan baik, anakku, tetapi lihatlah kesan lubang-lubang
di tembok batu tersebut, tembok itu tidak akan kelihatan sama lagi seperti
sebelumnya. Bila kau menyatakan sesuatu atau melakukan sesuatu ketika
marah, ianya akan meninggalkan kesan parut dan luka, sama seperti ini. Kau
boleh menikam seseorang dengan pisau dan membunuhnya. Tetapi ingatlah, tak
kesah berapa kali kau memohon maaf dan menyesal atas perbuatam mu, namun
lukanya masih tetap ada. Luka di hati adalah lebih pedih dari luka fizikal.

Sahabat
adalah permata yang sukar dicari. Mereka membuatkan kamu ketawa dan
menggalakan mu ke arah kejayaan. Sahabat juga adalah seorang pendengar,
berkongsi suka dan duka dan sentiasa membuka hatinya kepada kita.


Maafkan saya sekiranya saya pernah meninggalkan kesan berlubang di dinding hati
anda....


It’s better to be silent & be thought a fool, than to speak & remove all doubt.. -Abraham Lincoln-

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Betul! betul sangat meg!

The day started with my room mate saying "I just learned something yesterday.. ". see my room mate and I, we like to have conversations that are intellectual and mind stimulating.. and sometimes I like to splash in a little bit of gossip :p hehe.. tapi di hujung gossip itu selalunya ada some conclusion yang bole menyedarkan kita.

"I learned that you cannot push a guy to do something.. In fact, you cannot push anyone to do anything. If they wanna do it, has to be from them.. not when you push them."

"betul! betul sangat meg.."

I learned that the more you push people, the more that you are pushing them away. Guys especially. There's this unwritten rule about guys.. they need their own space.. see, i never really understood what kind of 'space' are they really referring to ? but i guess i am learning now and as you mix around with other people who are mature, you tend to develop that maturity as well.. and i learned that the 'space' that they were referring to is actually time.. time and space.. like in physics..

In physics, spacetime is any mathematical model that combines space and time into a single construct called the spacetime continuum. Spacetime is usually interpreted with space being three-dimensional and time playing the role of the fourth dimension. According to Euclidean space perception, the universe has three dimensions of space and one dimension of time. By combining space and time into a single manifold, physicists have significantly simplified a large number of physical theories, as well as described in a more uniform way the workings of the universe at both the supergalactic and subatomic levels.

In classical mechanics, the use of Euclidean space instead of spacetime is appropriate, as time is treated as universal and constant, being independent of the state of motion of an observer. In relativistic contexts, however, time cannot be separated from the three dimensions of space, because the rate at which time passes depends on an object's velocity relative to the speed of light and also the strength of intense gravitational fields which can slow the passage of time.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space-time


Being in a LDR for 3 years now, the time factor is very vital. we have a difference of 6 hours and both are busy chasing their dreams and career but at the same time we want to have that quality time together. so there are a lot of sacrifices that has to be made, understanding each other's situation and trust. Sacrifices has to be made out of sincerity and tidak diungkit later on. Understanding needs time and maturity.. and trust has to be gained. Even at 3 years, we are still learning about each other. I'd like to put it just like my quality assurance thingy, it's a life long learning experience.. for me, i appreciate knowledge.. even if my room mate is telling me about culturing bacteria called Rhoduccocus (tak sure spelling), I'd like to appreciate it even though sometimes I might not comprehend apekah sebenarnya Rhoducocus itu but it's Allah's gift for us and the fact that someone is experimenting it is somewhat amazing! a very small tiny bacteria means a whole lot to a person.. so I value the things that people share with me.. it's always interesting..

So back to my room mate's statement. Nodoby likes to be pushed to do something. That's why they tend to push it back further.. especially guys.. and sekeras keras hati lelaki, mereka lagi sukar untuk di-push to do something they do not want.. that's why when they dah lembut hati, you should appreciate it.. Ini semua kejadian Allah swt.. siapalah saya sebagai insan yang kerdil ini untuk meng-question people's heart.. (tiba2 mcm bunyi orang yang dalam movies who narrates the story.. hehe).. I sometimes a little bit of patience make a BIG difference.. :) I do not want to elaborate more on that.. because it is abit too personal for me..

I guess sometimes there are things that are private and personal I'd like to keep it to myself and only to the people who matters to me... the things that really matters are only for the people who matters to me.. you know who you are and what I mean :)

But when you do something that comes from the heart, and with the blessings of people who love and care about you, it becomes more meaningful.. and special.. Regardless of what other people say.. and these people do not know what your plans are or what you are going through.. sometimes they say it out of jealousy or just wanna just cucuk you.. I learned from my parents that you do what is best for you and not for others. I learned from my significant other, not to listen to others, just do what is right for you..

A reminder for me, my best friend Sheri (who will be flying off to Perth soon, gonna miss you babe.. don't listen to other people.. you want this.. and you will get this.. you have worked so hard for it.. and now the time is almost here.. I pray for your success there and hope to see you on D-day! hehe"
and for the best room mate ever, Meg.. (do not listen to others.. this is your dream.. go chase it! follow your instincts, believe in your destiny and fight for your dreams!)

I am thankful to Allah that I am blessed with my loving, the superbestest and supportive family, a loving, caring and understanding partner, lots of good friends who stood by me through thick and thin.. seriously.. It was Allah who had arranged the time and space for us to meet in this life..
and everything that happened .. just happened.. it was never planned and never pushed :)

ps: huggies for bb

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sounds like a Micheal Jackson song

The conversation with Sheri made me think for abit. Apakah masalah mereka2 yang diberi peluang untuk melanjutkan pelajaran di luar negara menggunakan duit kerajaan, duit yang rakyat kita membayar tax - tax tu sebagai biasiswa and dengan selamba nyer menyalahgunakan duit itu ke arah - arah perkara yang tidak berkaitan dengan pembelajaran ?

I mean really..? Sometimes terfikir jugak.. Ok, so they're lucky to get scholarship since they worked hard for it. I don't really mind if they came back and give back to society.. jadilah seorang manusia yang berguna.. There are some who went there, dengan harapan mak bapak yang menggunung, anak.. jadilah seorang anak yang baik.. belajar lah rajin rajin.. tapi ada yang terkandas.. dan pulang tidak menjadi apa2... burn duit rakyat begitu sahaja.. just because you concentrated too much on online games and didnt bother to go to class.. or you were too hooked up with your virtual girlfriend that you forgot to study for your finals..

ada yang lagi best.. pergi travel sana sini dengan menggunakan duit rakyat itu.. duit yang diamanahkan untuk belajar.. dah round satu europe and proudly post it online putting comments like "yeay! we just got our scholarship! lets do some crazy $hi# and finish the money that the government gave us for free before coz we don't have to pay back!"

ok. honestly, i really dont mind the travelling bit. but if you put comments like dat, really pisses people off.. you haven't even started working and earning money. wait till you have to pay tax till about RM700 a month and you see some one posting it online, call me and tell me how you feel..

ooh and how about those who just decided not to work after graduating.. because i just dont feel like it.. ooo.. mase interview berkobar2 yer cakap.. bila dah dapat, dilupakan..

so why am i posting this post at the middle of 930 when i could just sleep or do something better? because... here is the because...

1. i thought about those who really needed $ for education.. and the ones who will appreciate it because they have worked hard enough and they deserve it.. and because of those people who got the opportunity first and wasted it, the ones that really deserve it don't have this opportunity

2. i thought about how people forget to appreciate what they have in front of their eyes while chasing something that is not certain.. and ended up regretting..

3. i thought about those who complain about every single thing when they are the lucky ones, they might just run out of their lucky stars soon enough if Allah says that's it for you.. try looking at some students who really wanna learn.. regardless.. writing on broken flip chairs, having calculators and pencils falling down everytime you flip a page.. and studying in a room with a dripping aircond.. but because they appreciate the knowledge and the opportunity, they accepted the environment

4. i thought about people who wants to learn and has the determination but because of the acts of these selfish ungrateful people, they decided that it's best if they just let go of their dreams because they are afraid they might turn out to be like them..

5. i thought about my future.. how it's difficult to get scholarship now since i wasn't the smartest kid during my degree. although i improved a lot during my masters but because the government thinks that with my degree results i will just throw the opportunity away just like those 'smart' people. so, i sigh..

this is also a reminder to myself.. bulan Ramadhan ni bnyak kesedaran melanda.. i've decided to complain less and i wanna listen to less complaints.. because all these negative statement is really not healthy.. i want to be around positive vibes and release positive energy to people so that somehow, the world can be a better place (i know it sounds so like a Micheal Jackson song but, really... ) although kadang2 ada gak terkeluar some negative posts.. but secara positively, its just as a reminder and a stress relief kinda thing.. nothing more..

but, when there's a will, there's a way..
seek and you shall find..
my semangat nak sambung blajar terpaksa ditangguhkan buat seketika till i am ready again..
mentally, physically and financially..


kepada whoever who might read this, if you terasa, im sorry it was intentional.. please wake up and don't waste the opportunity that has been given to you..

this coming from once a student and now a teacher.. merasa dan melihat from two different angles..

this is not just about overseas students with government scholarships.. this is about not appreciating opportunities..

to my students if any reading this, please appreciate the knowledge that has been given to you.. ilmu itu adalah berharga.. you might not see it now but one day you will realize..

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