cool couple

i am in my sister in law's cool condo in johor bahru and the view of singapore is superb. this place is huge! and rase mcm orang kaya lak duduk sini.. thinking of going swimming tomorrow before heading back to kl.

and since my parents, my brother, niece and nephew are in singapore today, i stayed in the condo watching astro and marking papers the whole day.. since our house stopped subscribing astro, i had a lot of catching up to do.

so i watched back to back Bill and Giuliana reality show. and i totally love this couple! they are cool, successful, mature, laid back, and they are truly bestfriends-soulmate kinda.. not so cocky, not so manja manja gedik.. and not much of PDA.. which i think is cool..

best :)

miss ikhwan..

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11-11-110

Today is the 11th day of the 11th month..
It's been 110 days I didn't see you..

Happy 11th of the month bb... :)

*Umarmungen und Küsse b*

ich kann warten von tag zu tag für dich ...

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2 thirds of my sleeping time

I always thought that statistics is cooler than calculus. There are always new research especially in social science that you can check out from many many journals. Or sometimes they just publish it in the papers and Prof. or Dr. can give conclusions and comments on it (when the ones who did the real dirty jobs are Research Assistants). I had some gigs as a Statistician. From Raw Primary Data to real conclusions and inferences. I keyed in every data, I could comprehend or predict the outcomes.

For tomorrow's tutorial, I decided to create my own Tutorial questions rather than selecting from the text book. When I was brushing my teeth earlier, I thought of examples that my students can relate to so that they will remember hopefully for the rest of their lives. I stumbled upon an interesting fact. Nielson did a study and found out that the average time per person spend on facebook.com is 4 hours and 39 minutes. Sheeishh.. That's almost 2/3 of my sleeping time. Now I can understand Ikhwan's FB status a few weeks back (He is not an FB fan hehe).

The semester will be ending soon and as usual, I will have this weird feeling. Yes. Its called sedih but happy. Happy that I did my job and carried out my responsibilities not only as an academician but also as a big sister. Of course sad. Sad that I dont know when I will ever see them again. Will they remember me or apply whatever I have taught them. Scared. Hope. Hoping that they will be a successful person one day. I dont really mind if they forget me. Knowing that they have achieved their goals in life, I would be the sidelines apart from their parents and family members who will silently share their joy and happiness.

I ended my tutorial paper with this quote:

When you live for a strong purpose, then hard work isn’t an option. It’s a necessity.- Steve Pavlina.

This one is dedicated to my dear husband, Ikhwan.

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

-Notting Hill

I love you b :)
Get a new phone already k hehe.. nnt nak call camne? I know you are reading :)

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get this

I have an announcement...

This is my 500th post! woohoo! Thank you thank you.. (angkat tangan to the crowd)..

Yes, if only I could devote my time to really writing something, say, a novel, perhaps I could publish one already (if its worthy enough to be published)..

I want to make this special. I want to make my 500th post something that is very 500-y. ok.. nothing 500-y comes to mind.

Its a warm sunday afternoon and I just finished my zohor prayers. Its somesort of a lazy sunday. I woke up significantly late and did all the things I had to do. Yesterday Ikhwan shared with me how he cleaned up his house (kudos bb!) and it triggered me to do the same. I rearranged the furnitures in my room and it looks abit spacious now compared to before.

Other updates, starting this month, I am seriously serious about being more serious. I just realized that I am in my LATE 20s.. (gasps) oh dear. But why dont I feel so? apa masalahnya ? I guess its good to feel young and vibrant (ok, you can puke now) since most of the time, I am surrounded with young and vibrant people (my students). sometimes the guess the lecturer's age game would be playing in their minds and the numbers that they come up with could be flattering. of course some knows my real age lah.

I used to start my mornings with '$h!t Im late.. again!' Now I am abit more relaxed and organized. It was my new year's resolution.... back in 2004. haha.

Its good that time is flying fast. Its already november and the year it about to end. Time flies fast when you have a lot of things to do. Especially if you have to travel almost 70 kms for almost 2 hours to get to work in a ghetto area, it can be tiring. But fulfilling and rewarding.

I spend my weekends with my husband (im not used to referring him as hubby.. i dont know why) online, time for myself and for my family and friends. Recharge my batteries as I need to use maximum and optimum energy for work and study.

Today my facebook status reads 'late 20s huh?'

Really... seriously ?

I am thankful to be alive, happy and healthy and I do feel young and vibrant :)
alhamdulillah

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i like this word, pillar

When i woke up i thought a lot about the dream i had a few days ago. It was very clear that I had pictured it vividly. It was replayed over and over again in my mind. I know that it must've meant something. So I told a friend of mine about the dream. it just so happens that she's good at interpreting dreams (not tukang telek ye, more like psychological interpretation).

Perhaps she is right. For the second dream that i had the following day, if only words are prayers. and good words are good prayers, if at that exact moment that Allah heard my prayers and my friend's good words, I am truly thankful.

Today, after class,

'Excuse me Madam. I didn't get your name?'

'Oh.. u didn't come for the first class.. my name is (writing on the white board)'

'Ooo ok.. yes yes. XX told me about u. You taught XX last semester right?'

'Yes i did (smiling). What did XX tell you?'

With that statement, after reaching my office, I poured 3 cups of nescafe and did a whole lot of productive work. Remember how it felt like when your teacher / lecturer writes, 'Good job!' or 'Keep it up!' on your test papers? That's how I felt today. That's why I make it a point to comment on good achievements to motivate my students. U can see the difference. A lot.

The 3 minutes long distance phone call was at 1130 last night. It was worth the wait. What's cool about my husband is that he is super punctual. During the call, I just closed my eyes while listening to every frequency and noise. I could hear his footsteps walking up the stairs, opening the door, opening the other door, and putting his coins and mp3 player on the table and his bag at one corner. It was almost like being there :) One thing I know is that he is passionate about his work. May Allah bless my husband and his hard work and open the doors for his rezeki inshallah. Ameen.

What's new about me? I think, I feel that I am changing. I used to be good at expressing myself in writing, but this time, cant quite describe it with words.

Change for the better, inshallah.

Just like those penceramah, I would like to end this post with a quote taken from the Muslim bride. An advise to Muslim wives.

Be a floor to him, he will be a roof to you; be a soft seat to him, he will be a pillar for you; and be like a slave girl to him and he will be a slave boy to you. Avoid inopportune behaviour, least he should be bored with you; and be not aloof lest he should become indifferent to you. If he approaches you, come running to him; and if he turns away, do not impose yourself upon him. Take care of his nose, his eye and his ear. Let him not smell except a good odour from you; let not his eye see you except in an agreeable appearance; and let him hear nothing from you except nice, fine words.

nice fine words for meine Mann..
Halo bb, ich liebe dich.. Jehtz, ich kann sprechen Deutsch bb, ya? :)
shon tag noch :)
auf wiederhoren
Gute Nacht b!
von Ihrer Frau..

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traffic light and airplane in the sky

On the way to work this morning, at the traffic light, I saw a lady kissed her husband's hand. A gesture of love of a wife to her husband.

Instantly, I thought of him. Imagining it was me and him in the picture.

'Look! There's an airplane' a colleague of mine said. I looked up the sky and saw MAS. When I was 5, I used to wave at the airplanes and think of my maid, Kak Rina. She took care of me and taught me how to sing songs. And after she finished her contract, we sent her back to Indonesia by plane. That was the first time I detached from someone. And I would wave at airplanes and say, 'Bye, Kak Rina'.

Nowadays, it saddens me when I look at airplanes in the sky. I would envy those who are on the plane, who gets the chance to go to wherever they want to go. And I am from main land, looking up and being stationery instead of flying in that plane.

Today while driving back home and listening to ich bereue nicht remembering the exact moment when I was sitting in front of his computer writing my letter to my dear husband, suddenly I cried.

Even after all these times, despite my busy schedule, I still miss him dearly.

I miss having the 3 minute time before he goes of to work. I would purposely delay him so that I could have that little moment with him and he would repeatedly say that he's late for work and put on his earphones and check if he has his handphone, housekeys and payung.

Happy 4 months anniversary bb..

get well soon...

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walkie talkie

'so how often do you talk to ikhwan ?' my auntie asked me today.

'everyday' i replied with a smile.

'that's sweet. sometimes the distance brings you closer..'

i couldn't agree more.

whenever i talk / think about him, i will play with my ring. my wedding ring. that's our very own walkie-talkie.

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real rewards

'Puan, puan mesti penat kan ajar saya? Berkali kali cakap pun tak paham paham jugak..'

What do you say to a very weak student but is willing to learn?

I was saying to myself, Sabar sabar...

Who said being a lecturer is easy ? Screaming for 6 hours with heels walking around class and entertaining each and everyone of your students. repeating.

learn
relearn
unlearn

That's what they taught us in the Teaching and Learning Course.

What i need now, is a lot of patience. a lot. like, really a lot. Hey, patience has its rewards. i truly believe in that....

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miss

Rindu adalah suatu derita yang amat bahagia kerana kerinduan itu sebahagian dari nafas cinta. Tanpa kerinduan, cinta tidak akan menjadi matang dan berpanjangan. Biarlah cinta itu berpanjangan dengan adanya rindu.


taken from fajar's blog's comment.

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reminder , timer

He is my timer as to I am his reminder.

yesterday though thousands of kms away, i heard him speak German to his colleague. wish I was there.

ich vermisse.. alles davon
[betul ke grammer nih?]

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maaf ya ... ampun

alamak, sorry..

I unintentionally made readers misconstrued my previous post.. maaf maaf...

no i am not what you think i am.. hehehe not yet.. sorry sangat sangat..

i will explain what i mean end of the year ok :) sowwieeeeee

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emotions.

after saying what i wanted to say, i got a reply that almost brought tears to my eyes.

'That's great. I think you will be .......'

EMOTIONS.

What a coincidence that today I watched 30 Rock's end of season 2.

"Oh no, emotions! Are you having that woman time?"

"No.. I haven't had that since... wait! (gasps)"

After THAT being said, today was a very productive day.

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infinigon

I was deeply touched at what he said to me today. Now I know why things that are very rare becomes infinitely precious. It's like the meteor shower phenomena; rare, much awaited for, and breathtakingly amazing. Definitely worth every second of sacrifice of your sleep to witness the event till the break of dawn.

Today I experienced the same feeling when I witnessed the meteor shower in 1998.

Unbelievable.

Cinta itu dalam pelbagai bentuk.
(Love comes in various shapes)

Bentuk infinigon mungkin ?

(Maybe in a shape of infinigon?)

ich liebe meine Mann.
(I love meine Mann)
(Saya cintakan meine Mann)

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my raya as a wife

What's cool about long distance relationship is that no matter which part of the world we are, we share the same stars.

today i heard him smiling on the other end of the phone. one of the best feeling ever :)

Eid Mubarak everyone!
Maaf zahir & batin

p/s: did u realize yesterday was 20-09-2009?

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3 months

I changed the sheets of my bed today. I love the feel of new bedsheets.

Hari raya is just around the corner and it made me realize how fast time flies. It's true enough that I got what I wished for. For time to fly by fast. But it saddens me that Ramadhan is almost over. The Holy month of Ramadhan, the month where all the syaitans are locked, no ghosts, and the month of begging for forgiveness from The Mighty Allah, the Creator.

I miss my husband. my cheeks became soaking wet when I heard this song on the radio.. and the rain accompanied me as I was shedding tears

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maths and stats of life

when i was younger, i used to read a lot. my parents would reward me with books after i finished reading another book and the reward me with another one and another one. till puberty starts to kick in. i changed from reading to writing. the reading i stopped but writing i kept on moving. just recently i started to read again. and felt that how could i have stopped reading all these years? there are just so many talented writers out there bombarding us with amazing stories.

i have mentioned many times that i am a slow reader, just like erin brokovich. but my dad says i type real fast. which is a talent i gained after doing numerous typing jobs to earn extra income (during those days) and of course the late night IRC chats post SPM time.

Post SPM time. those days, those days that I chatted with Ikhwan as a friend not knowing that I would still be chatting with him as his wife 10 years later. the days that I went out with him as friends and that he had come over to my house on my birthday party not knowing that he would come again to seek my parents' consent to marry me.

It's funny how the past, the present and the future are dependent, correlated, varies but somehow remain constant.. It's the maths and stats of life.

for this, i write,
for you, i will write

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fall out boy meets fall down girl

1130 - 1230 is usually the time that he would msg me. Having to be in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years, we know almost all the ways to get to each other. cheap calls, faster connection, which is a better IM during what time. Ask us anything, been there, done that. and still doing it. However, technology and time are just too jealous of us. Time would pass by quickly when we want it to be still, and would move slowly when I wished that I could put my fingers on the needle of the BIG GIANT CLOCK OF THE WORLD so that time would move quickly. The effing technology would be effed up at the exact only time I have with my better half. I would take a deep breath and let go of a big sigh of these two important and significant elements in my life.

4 years. Seems like it was just yesterday that I saw him again after 7 years at San Francisco Coffee at 230 pm. I still remember what he wore. A dark blue shirt and blue jeans with his sun glasses. His first words were, 'Tolong pegangkan jap' after I said, 'Hi'. He had asked me to hold his sunglasses. I would play the reruns of the images and my lips would curve to a smile. I was just like a teenage young girl perhaps college-look-a-like. Wore a black and white scarf, a black SODA blouse and a brown quadroay (spelling) jeans that my dad would ask me to change if he sees me wearing it cause it was just a bit too tight for a young lady to be wearing in the streets of Bukit Bintang. I put on a red sling bag with a red flower pinned to it with my awfully spottable red hush puppies sneakers. Dressed totally wrong to meet the right one.

I could go on talking and repeating many many times on how September was 4 years ago and how it has been September all along.. the long phone conversations, the talks, the din beramboi fish pond jokes that would leave me laughing for a solid 3 minutes, the coffee freak, the bowling alley, the movies, the smell of his cologne, the smell of my perfume when I am with him, the almost- every- TB of memory in my memory card is still fresh in my mind like a freshly baked macaroni and cheese with the aroma.

It's crazy how I can still smell his Persil detergent on my Levi's jeans till now. It's the sentimental memories that keeps me closer to him.. :)

Today I said I am just like fall out boy (one of his favourite bands.. mine too) cause I fall a lot.. he said no laa.. you're a fall down girl. Just like that, I felt like I was transported right next to him and looking straight into his hazel eyes, poking his hip like I always do when he teases me..

Many times I would just gaze and get locked into his eyes, wishing time would stay still. I captured that moment. And that image, that eyes of his that had mesmerized and hypnotized me, I will replay it when I close my eyes..

Thanks for a wonderful 4 years my bb. I am a blogger and a writer, but I just can't find the words that can describe how much I wish I could be next to you..

Be patient, you would say..
Be patient is what i will do..

11092005, Botanical Garden, Putrajaya.

I love you.. Happy Anniversary.. :)

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those late night shows

Today's German word of the day is die Antwort - reply

In German, the w is pronounced like a v. and the v is pronounced like an f.

I would rather know the truth even though it hurts rather than being comforted with a lie.

This was taken from The Kite Runner. I thought the words are beautiful. Something that we all can relate to really.

In many cases, we could see the vast difference between a man and a woman. I agree that woman are more inclined to using their emotions (I am a woman) and men (manly man) handles most issues using their minds. Which makes them (men) a more appropriate candidate to lead a family. God created woman with such delicacy and perfection, and how complicated we may seem, inside and out, physically and emotionally, we are important to mankind. God created woman after He created man. A woman is made from a man's rib. Close to his heart to be loved and above his feet to be respected.

In The Muslim Bride, I learned a lot of things. Not only how to be a Bride for the day, but also a wife and a daughter and inshaAllah one day a mother. I realized that Allah made men and women not equal. But fair.

Yes, I do miss my husband dearly. Perhaps there are no words could really describe how I feel (sounds like in a song) but really I do. And somehow along our conversations, I know that he misses me too, he may not say it as it as often as I do. but I know he does. coz i know him.. I understand that he has a lot of things going on.. and how I wish I could be there to lessen his burden.. to greet him with a hug and a kiss everytime he comes back from work.. to serve him to eat after a long hard day work.. and bring him sweet deserts and green or red cordial drinks.. to pretend washing dishes after dinner and quietly watch him while he quietly reads my blog to check out what his wife has been up to, to hang out with him playing guitar hero and watch Conan O Brien or 30 rock or Eureka till late night.. I hope and pray that those days will come again soon, inshaAllah..

I know that he loves me as much as I love him. And I also know that he wants me to be patient... cause he is being more than patient.. and he is a much stronger person than I am.. for that, he is my better half.. for that, i too, have to be patient... Maybe I haven't been what I am supposed to be, to I haven't been doing what I should have done.. but I will try to be more patient now.. ok bb ? :)

For you, a thousand times over..

Thinking of you
Thinking of you
Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay... I love you bb..

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yes people, Obama and I have our differences

Barack Obama's slogan was Change We Can Believe In. One thing obama and I have in common is that we love to watch entourage. But we also have our differences. Change.

Ikhwan knows very well that I am a very sentimental person. Every item will have a sentiment that sometimes can drive a person mental :p My pink motorola RAZR v3 (my 26th birthday present from my husband [boyfriend back then hehe] ) is broken and this time I think it can't be fixed. Today I went searching for a new phone. Though it breaks my heart, I decided to go with Motorola razr v3i . A model closest to it. Even if it has a pink color, I would buy it. regardless of how much it'll cost (within my budget la).

Sadly, I was greeted with a omigod-are-u-kidding-me look when I asked for that model.

'They don't produce it anymore laa.. It's a 2005 model.. You try nokia? we got offer one... '

No. No no-kia. I want my motorola. I fell in love with it the moment they advertised it in 2005 (a significant year) the techno-virtual-dance advertise. Back then, I could only dream of owning such an expensive phone. And it looked cool too. Hey, Meredith Grey used it. JD (Scrubs) acted several episodes with it.

Where can i find my motorola razr ? I have bonded with it for almost 2 years now.. and when i flipped, we clicked. there's a chemistry between us that reaches a level of frequency where many could not comprehend..

For me to change to nokia ? Sorry Obama, this is one change I am not ready to believe in.. It might take a while as I have been loyal to my motorola.. defending every mock and denying every gossip about it.. Be it old fashion, oldskool or oldies even.. For me, there's no phone that can replace my motorola razr v3i.. in pink...... even if there was, it won't be the same..

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memories : new life

i watched bride wars about 2 months ago and remember the wedding planner said, 'as at now, you are dead.. until you are married.. now ? yeah, you're dead'

last week i was having something that people might call it, psychotic stress syndrome. (need not to elaborate on that), hence, the previous previous post.

today while hanging out with my brother and sister in law, suddenly i took out my wedding album and we looked at the pictures, again. it was all a nice feeling. remembering the days. and i looked at the date, i thought, it's been one month. one month since i left germany. one month since i was in the arms of my loving husband. ikhwan always say, dont think about it too much. yes, i tried not to think about it too much. but sometimes the vision comes to me. the wedding, the akad. and sometimes when i close my eyes, it was as though i was really there. imagining walking with him, swinging our arms as we walk to the grocery store, and i would talk and talk and talk and he would listen and sometimes joke around. and everytime, he has to correct my german words and say, 'kan i dah cakap dah..' and walking back from the grocery store, we would walk less slowly because we had to carry the groceries in our bags and he would look at me and say, 'sian dia..' and i would say in a tough voice, 'takpe takpe takpe' though it was heavy but it didnt matter, because he was next to me.. and the burden that we share, i would want to carry it too..because we are a team.. through thick and thin..

everything. almost every single memory. it still clear, in my head, and in my mind. though it has been one month that i didnot see him, it feels like forever.
though it has been 2 monts plus that we got married, it feels like it was only yesterday that we were playing n running around the hall during the rehearsal.

my dear ikhwan, you said 'u have to write'. i write for you. i miss you..

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