infinigon

I was deeply touched at what he said to me today. Now I know why things that are very rare becomes infinitely precious. It's like the meteor shower phenomena; rare, much awaited for, and breathtakingly amazing. Definitely worth every second of sacrifice of your sleep to witness the event till the break of dawn.

Today I experienced the same feeling when I witnessed the meteor shower in 1998.

Unbelievable.

Cinta itu dalam pelbagai bentuk.
(Love comes in various shapes)

Bentuk infinigon mungkin ?

(Maybe in a shape of infinigon?)

ich liebe meine Mann.
(I love meine Mann)
(Saya cintakan meine Mann)

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WLP

There are times that things happen that is so unbelievable that you look up the sky and ask God, 'really?'

You have two choices, to sigh or to be grateful.

Alhamdulillah, Allah is testing me.
Alhamdulillah, Allah remembers me and wants me to remember Him.
Alhamdulillah, it could be worse.
For every tests there is a reward for patience.
A fellow Muslim would remind us.

Ramadhan for me has been amazing. And as we bid the Holy month goodbye and embrace Syawal, there's a mixed feeling of sadness and joy. For me personally, the feeling was so deep that it's hard to reach. No words can describe how I feel, no cameras to capture the moment, no electronic device can reach the level of frequency of everything that I wish I could share.

I pray to Allah that He gives me wisdom, love and patience (WLP).. for everything has it's time..

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make my wish come true

i must be careful of what i wish.. it might just come true.. well, i wish for a lot of things. and this time, i am sending my wish to an angel so that the angel can send it to God and make my wish come true.

i would like to wish for only one thing this time.

happiness for the ones that i care and love.

really.

truly.

if this wish is granted, i would be the happiest person of all the happy people that i had wished for..

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my raya as a wife

What's cool about long distance relationship is that no matter which part of the world we are, we share the same stars.

today i heard him smiling on the other end of the phone. one of the best feeling ever :)

Eid Mubarak everyone!
Maaf zahir & batin

p/s: did u realize yesterday was 20-09-2009?

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3 months

I changed the sheets of my bed today. I love the feel of new bedsheets.

Hari raya is just around the corner and it made me realize how fast time flies. It's true enough that I got what I wished for. For time to fly by fast. But it saddens me that Ramadhan is almost over. The Holy month of Ramadhan, the month where all the syaitans are locked, no ghosts, and the month of begging for forgiveness from The Mighty Allah, the Creator.

I miss my husband. my cheeks became soaking wet when I heard this song on the radio.. and the rain accompanied me as I was shedding tears

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maths and stats of life

when i was younger, i used to read a lot. my parents would reward me with books after i finished reading another book and the reward me with another one and another one. till puberty starts to kick in. i changed from reading to writing. the reading i stopped but writing i kept on moving. just recently i started to read again. and felt that how could i have stopped reading all these years? there are just so many talented writers out there bombarding us with amazing stories.

i have mentioned many times that i am a slow reader, just like erin brokovich. but my dad says i type real fast. which is a talent i gained after doing numerous typing jobs to earn extra income (during those days) and of course the late night IRC chats post SPM time.

Post SPM time. those days, those days that I chatted with Ikhwan as a friend not knowing that I would still be chatting with him as his wife 10 years later. the days that I went out with him as friends and that he had come over to my house on my birthday party not knowing that he would come again to seek my parents' consent to marry me.

It's funny how the past, the present and the future are dependent, correlated, varies but somehow remain constant.. It's the maths and stats of life.

for this, i write,
for you, i will write

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fall out boy meets fall down girl

1130 - 1230 is usually the time that he would msg me. Having to be in a long distance relationship for almost 4 years, we know almost all the ways to get to each other. cheap calls, faster connection, which is a better IM during what time. Ask us anything, been there, done that. and still doing it. However, technology and time are just too jealous of us. Time would pass by quickly when we want it to be still, and would move slowly when I wished that I could put my fingers on the needle of the BIG GIANT CLOCK OF THE WORLD so that time would move quickly. The effing technology would be effed up at the exact only time I have with my better half. I would take a deep breath and let go of a big sigh of these two important and significant elements in my life.

4 years. Seems like it was just yesterday that I saw him again after 7 years at San Francisco Coffee at 230 pm. I still remember what he wore. A dark blue shirt and blue jeans with his sun glasses. His first words were, 'Tolong pegangkan jap' after I said, 'Hi'. He had asked me to hold his sunglasses. I would play the reruns of the images and my lips would curve to a smile. I was just like a teenage young girl perhaps college-look-a-like. Wore a black and white scarf, a black SODA blouse and a brown quadroay (spelling) jeans that my dad would ask me to change if he sees me wearing it cause it was just a bit too tight for a young lady to be wearing in the streets of Bukit Bintang. I put on a red sling bag with a red flower pinned to it with my awfully spottable red hush puppies sneakers. Dressed totally wrong to meet the right one.

I could go on talking and repeating many many times on how September was 4 years ago and how it has been September all along.. the long phone conversations, the talks, the din beramboi fish pond jokes that would leave me laughing for a solid 3 minutes, the coffee freak, the bowling alley, the movies, the smell of his cologne, the smell of my perfume when I am with him, the almost- every- TB of memory in my memory card is still fresh in my mind like a freshly baked macaroni and cheese with the aroma.

It's crazy how I can still smell his Persil detergent on my Levi's jeans till now. It's the sentimental memories that keeps me closer to him.. :)

Today I said I am just like fall out boy (one of his favourite bands.. mine too) cause I fall a lot.. he said no laa.. you're a fall down girl. Just like that, I felt like I was transported right next to him and looking straight into his hazel eyes, poking his hip like I always do when he teases me..

Many times I would just gaze and get locked into his eyes, wishing time would stay still. I captured that moment. And that image, that eyes of his that had mesmerized and hypnotized me, I will replay it when I close my eyes..

Thanks for a wonderful 4 years my bb. I am a blogger and a writer, but I just can't find the words that can describe how much I wish I could be next to you..

Be patient, you would say..
Be patient is what i will do..

11092005, Botanical Garden, Putrajaya.

I love you.. Happy Anniversary.. :)

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those late night shows

Today's German word of the day is die Antwort - reply

In German, the w is pronounced like a v. and the v is pronounced like an f.

I would rather know the truth even though it hurts rather than being comforted with a lie.

This was taken from The Kite Runner. I thought the words are beautiful. Something that we all can relate to really.

In many cases, we could see the vast difference between a man and a woman. I agree that woman are more inclined to using their emotions (I am a woman) and men (manly man) handles most issues using their minds. Which makes them (men) a more appropriate candidate to lead a family. God created woman with such delicacy and perfection, and how complicated we may seem, inside and out, physically and emotionally, we are important to mankind. God created woman after He created man. A woman is made from a man's rib. Close to his heart to be loved and above his feet to be respected.

In The Muslim Bride, I learned a lot of things. Not only how to be a Bride for the day, but also a wife and a daughter and inshaAllah one day a mother. I realized that Allah made men and women not equal. But fair.

Yes, I do miss my husband dearly. Perhaps there are no words could really describe how I feel (sounds like in a song) but really I do. And somehow along our conversations, I know that he misses me too, he may not say it as it as often as I do. but I know he does. coz i know him.. I understand that he has a lot of things going on.. and how I wish I could be there to lessen his burden.. to greet him with a hug and a kiss everytime he comes back from work.. to serve him to eat after a long hard day work.. and bring him sweet deserts and green or red cordial drinks.. to pretend washing dishes after dinner and quietly watch him while he quietly reads my blog to check out what his wife has been up to, to hang out with him playing guitar hero and watch Conan O Brien or 30 rock or Eureka till late night.. I hope and pray that those days will come again soon, inshaAllah..

I know that he loves me as much as I love him. And I also know that he wants me to be patient... cause he is being more than patient.. and he is a much stronger person than I am.. for that, he is my better half.. for that, i too, have to be patient... Maybe I haven't been what I am supposed to be, to I haven't been doing what I should have done.. but I will try to be more patient now.. ok bb ? :)

For you, a thousand times over..

Thinking of you
Thinking of you
Cause in your eyes, I'd like to stay... I love you bb..

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oblivious

i decided not to count days anymore.. just let time pass by without me realizing it..

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yes people, Obama and I have our differences

Barack Obama's slogan was Change We Can Believe In. One thing obama and I have in common is that we love to watch entourage. But we also have our differences. Change.

Ikhwan knows very well that I am a very sentimental person. Every item will have a sentiment that sometimes can drive a person mental :p My pink motorola RAZR v3 (my 26th birthday present from my husband [boyfriend back then hehe] ) is broken and this time I think it can't be fixed. Today I went searching for a new phone. Though it breaks my heart, I decided to go with Motorola razr v3i . A model closest to it. Even if it has a pink color, I would buy it. regardless of how much it'll cost (within my budget la).

Sadly, I was greeted with a omigod-are-u-kidding-me look when I asked for that model.

'They don't produce it anymore laa.. It's a 2005 model.. You try nokia? we got offer one... '

No. No no-kia. I want my motorola. I fell in love with it the moment they advertised it in 2005 (a significant year) the techno-virtual-dance advertise. Back then, I could only dream of owning such an expensive phone. And it looked cool too. Hey, Meredith Grey used it. JD (Scrubs) acted several episodes with it.

Where can i find my motorola razr ? I have bonded with it for almost 2 years now.. and when i flipped, we clicked. there's a chemistry between us that reaches a level of frequency where many could not comprehend..

For me to change to nokia ? Sorry Obama, this is one change I am not ready to believe in.. It might take a while as I have been loyal to my motorola.. defending every mock and denying every gossip about it.. Be it old fashion, oldskool or oldies even.. For me, there's no phone that can replace my motorola razr v3i.. in pink...... even if there was, it won't be the same..

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khaled's stories

'When you fall you will rise'

That's on my FB status now. Of course people would comment. Most active follower I know for sure would be my sister.

I guess God wants me to rest for a bit now. I know that He knows.

What's good out of it is that I get to indulge in one of the greatest novels ever written. Ikhwan mentioned quite a number of times about 'The Kite Runner'. So I decided that it's a good book to invest on.

I read word by word, quenching my thirst of new ideas. Transforming every sentence to emotion. Visualizing and connecting to what Khaled Hosseini had beautifully written.

I am a slow reader. And I read slowly while diving myself to the world of imagination. A tear dropped. and another. and another.

This guy is really good.I will put this book as a must read, at least once in a lifetime.

Next in line is 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'

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black-eye Ps

Im starring in a new drama. The main character would be me. and the storyline is interesting because there are 3 plots, my work, my personal life and my life with Ikhwan.

At work would be me handling kids at school (university) with various acts. Sometimes I would feel like Michelle Pfieffer (spelling) in Dangerous Minds. Or Coach Carter in Coach Carter. Personal life would be things that I consider time for myself and for my family and friends.. and last but never the least, a huge part of my life would be life with Ikhwan. Though we are physically apart, but we make time for each other.

So this week's episode of my life would be what happened to me starting Wednesday night. See, I gave my students a proving problem (which I LOVE to do but students dont). The question was simple :

If X follows a normal distribution, using the moment generative function, prove that the sample mean of X follows the sampling distribution of the mean. Easy right ?

Wrong. I just tried to solve it and got stuck at the McLaurin series (which I dread to do soo much). I started to regret giving them the problem.

However, remember the genius prodigy ? He managed to solve it by giving me four pieces of the solution. Complete with all the McLaurin series, differentiation, and i saw he used limits too. Yes, the mathematical approach.

When actually, the solution only took about 8 lines.

So on Wednesday night, I brought back all my statistical inference text books and studied really hard for the Thursday class. I have full 6 hours straight of statistics class on Thursday. A challenge to my patience and physical ability especially in Ramadhan. To top it off, it was my turn to drive. Plus, I was staying up for the 830 class.

1130 pm, I was online with Ikhwan (yes the other part of my life that I mentioned). We chatted for abit and he asked me to sleep. 'Ok' I said. Yes, I intended to sleep. But my hands were doing the cha-cha dance on the A4 papers and my mind were intrigued by the fact that I was gonna teach them Order Statistics. A part in Sampling Distribution that most people hated most (me too, once) but I mastered it beautifully. Each and every formula, steps, integration, distribution and range were nicely solved. And I realized it was 1am. Gasps! Oh no.!

So I woke up at 5 for sahur. And couldnt sleep much later on. By 7am, I was already late. I turned up my engine and decided to go to the loo before my long journey. I wore purple that day. Purple hijab, black blouse and my new purple Espirit sweater I bought at Metzingen. It is my current favourite color now.

Suddenly, it all happened so fast. I slipped. My head hit the wall, my knee hit the John and my legs hit the opposite of the other wall (small toilet). And just like that, I was once again lying on the floor of my bathroom. My mom heard me said, 'Adoiiiii' and she knocked on the toilet door and asked if I was ok. I just kept quiet as my head was spinning like a record. For a solid 1 minute. I just laid there. And thought, 'Really? Again? This is happening to me.. again? Really?'

I managed to get up and thought I could still make it to work. I imagined the prodigy, the students faces, getting ready for class. I just couldn't let them down. But I also saw in the mirror. There was a big bruise on my forehead that looked like a pingpong ball. And I was not a nice view.

2 minutes later, I was on my bed and my mom gave me a cold compressor. 1 hour later, I woke up from sleep and realized my whole body was aching. I saw my back, and they were black-blue. And it's still there. I woke up and tried walking. Thankfully, I could walk. Just not properly.

Doctor said my blood pressure is low. And I should see him if I vomit as it could be internal injury. As for now, I am just lying on my bed at home, with a black eye (the blood clog has come down as the doctor said it would), reading and enjoying my latest book collection, The Kite Runner, and at times, facebooked abit for some quizzes.

Some drama. Hmm, 3rd time I fell in the toilet this year. 6th time I fell in two years. It's not them, it's me.

There must be some good out of this. There must. I believe it.

** Bb, I'm sorry I didn't sleep when u asked me to.. :( the math was taking over me... thanks for the love and prayers.. hugss bb **

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