water over wine ?

>> Sunday, August 30, 2009

I gave this unknown theory to some of my friends. Today I found out that the theory I gave was inaccurate. Sorry. Instead of 72 hours to take action from when you want to start something, its supposed to be 48 hours (sorry cikyah, wrong info). Please refer to Dr. Fazilah Kamsah on this.

Speaking of Dr. FK, I love to watch his motivational series on OASIS. Since we don't have astro anymore, I only get the chance to watch it when I go to my sister's place or my brother's house. So I was watching it today before iftar, and an interesting quote caught my attention. 'Rasulullah SAW tidak suka pada orang yang berputus asa. Syaitan gemar dengan orang yang berputus asa.'

Giving up. A word that has never been in my dictionary. People who are really close to me would know that I am a very optimistic person, even when the odds seem ridiculous. My tag line would be, 'I will find ways' when at times the roads may look like a dead end. What amazes me most is that God works in mysterious and miraculous ways. And somehow, I worked my way through with the help of Allah. Yes, Allah is always with me. Allah is always with us. Through thick and thin. Prof Razak, a mathematician, a mentor to others and a fellow Muslim shared this and I will remember it always. 'Allah is always with us. When you start anything, you say, bismillah. When you are in doubt, you say, insha Allah.. When you are grateful, you say, Alhamdulilah. Thats what makes Muslims closer to our Creator.'

I consider myself a secrative person. Boleh laa.. my posts are not always about daily things or updates on my life..(only just recently) sometimes its more of a thought of what has happened or something that I would like to think or ponder upon. After trusting the wrong people, its hard for me to share things that are too personal. Some things are better left unsaid. I don't blame them. I blame myself for being too naive and having the wrong judgment call. But there's always something that I can learn from the experience. From that experience, I believe that trust is something that must be gained. It is the total opposite from respect. A person will have my respect until he/she does something to lose it. Simple yet strong words. Trust and respect. Those are strong fundamentals in any relationship. Student - teacher, mother - daughter, father - mother, friend - friend, husband - wife.

I'd like to quote from Dr. FK, 'Allah turunkan musibah kerana Dia menyayangi kita. And tidak mahu kita berputus asa. Kerana di hujungnya, Allah akan menghadiahkan kita dengan nikmat dan rahmat' Cant remember the exact words but that's what he meant.

So maybe when you see someone living a good live and starting to have envious thoughts or comparing your live with them, think for awhile. What that person has gone through to be where he / she is now. The hardships, the sacrifices, the difficulties. They might not share it.. simply because perhaps it was too painful or personal.

I don't memorize versus and quote from them, I wish I could though. Perhaps my knowledge is like a tiny stone in the middle of the ocean. But I learned from experience, mine, and others.. All apologies if this post might have offended anyone. I am just another blogger, with thoughts coming in the middle of the night.

Just take things one step at a time, and everything will be ok cause I know He listens to every thoughts and prayers...

Having said all that, would you choose, water over wine to hold the wheel and drive.. (think really deep. the meaning)

*p/s : i wanted to make the post title 'all apologies' by nirvana but i thought 'water over wine' is wayy cooler, dont u think ?

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memories : new life

>> Wednesday, August 26, 2009

i watched bride wars about 2 months ago and remember the wedding planner said, 'as at now, you are dead.. until you are married.. now ? yeah, you're dead'

last week i was having something that people might call it, psychotic stress syndrome. (need not to elaborate on that), hence, the previous previous post.

today while hanging out with my brother and sister in law, suddenly i took out my wedding album and we looked at the pictures, again. it was all a nice feeling. remembering the days. and i looked at the date, i thought, it's been one month. one month since i left germany. one month since i was in the arms of my loving husband. ikhwan always say, dont think about it too much. yes, i tried not to think about it too much. but sometimes the vision comes to me. the wedding, the akad. and sometimes when i close my eyes, it was as though i was really there. imagining walking with him, swinging our arms as we walk to the grocery store, and i would talk and talk and talk and he would listen and sometimes joke around. and everytime, he has to correct my german words and say, 'kan i dah cakap dah..' and walking back from the grocery store, we would walk less slowly because we had to carry the groceries in our bags and he would look at me and say, 'sian dia..' and i would say in a tough voice, 'takpe takpe takpe' though it was heavy but it didnt matter, because he was next to me.. and the burden that we share, i would want to carry it too..because we are a team.. through thick and thin..

everything. almost every single memory. it still clear, in my head, and in my mind. though it has been one month that i didnot see him, it feels like forever.
though it has been 2 monts plus that we got married, it feels like it was only yesterday that we were playing n running around the hall during the rehearsal.

my dear ikhwan, you said 'u have to write'. i write for you. i miss you..

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memories : 5th Ramadhan

two years ago, i landed myself on a job as a lecturer. working in a far away land where cars have to stop if cows are crossing the road. something which i would open my eyes widely cause we don't get this view in the city.

after i got my first salary, the treating everyone in the family ritual took place. and i bought a special present for someone special.. i bought a little elmo for an angel..

the angel had his own favourite stuffed animal.. it was a cozy bear, and it looked just nice and cute placed next to him.. the angel would open his eyes widely whenever he hears the song, 'orange' and would give us the warmest smile that would make all the worries go away..

trips to the hospital was something that i would look forward for.. sometimes just sitting next to him and watching him breathe peacefully in deep slumber was the best thing ever..

God blessed our family with an angel.. an angel that brought us joy, he was loved and cared for so dearly.. because he was special.. he was our little angel brought from heaven..

on the 5th of ramadhan, 2 years ago, Allah took this angel..because he was simply special.. he was terlalu istimewa... he was the chosen one.. to be sitting among all the other angels.. and he is just our little angel watching us from above...

Dear Rafiq, you are always in our hearts.. and will never be forgotten. and i know that you would be just as notty, cheeky and cute as your twin cousins, running around our house and playing around.. sometimes when i watch them, i would think of you.. and wished that you could be with us and watch you grow to be a good man.. but you are at the gates of heaven now.. and you are always and always will be.. our little angel.. sent from above... you showed us remarkable strength that lies from within.. you were truly a strong and special baby... we miss you rafiq... and we love you so much.. rest in peace..

Al- fatihah for my late nephew Rafiq Danish Amir.. (he would be almost 3 years old now)...

today, it rained after two hot days. hujan rahmat..

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stop right now, thank you very much.

>> Wednesday, August 19, 2009

a weblog is like a place for you to pour your heart out about something that means something to you and perhaps nothing to some other people. there are times that you might blog about nothing but its something to others. on some occasion, the something to you could be nothing to some but everything to some others. other times, it's just like another medium to convey subliminal message to people who might read it.

the main thing is, we blog because we want to blog. for us to read, for others to read and digest. for us to remember things that we might forget later on and for many reasons.

for me, this one small person will blog when she feels like it. and now, i just dont feel like it (ironically, i am doing it right now). perhaps bcoz i am starting to get busy with work. or i want to make myself busy with work. i choose this.

and life is all about choices. and i choose this. this is my choice. and i am living it. yes, sometimes i might stop and think and wonder about things, or ask questions but i do not regret any single bit of it. ich bereue nichts. nichts davon.

so now, i chose this. stop.

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frog throat

have u ever felt like there's something stuck at your throat and it's hard to get it out ? and if it stays long enough, it might just eat your insides alive ?

well, i have.

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time is running out

I stopped watching Weeds and 30 Rock. No don't get me wrong. The series are superbly funny and disturbingly entertaining. I'm afraid I might get bored if I finished watching all of the series to soon. So I'd like to keep the suspense.

I decided to catch up on Entourage Season 2 (I know lembap gile). The first episode of the season is titled, 'the boys are back' and i love the song for the ending. Muse's Time is running out. my long vacation is now over (forawhile) and I am starting on the new semester. and i always tell my students, maths and statistics is all about time and accuracy everytime i say time is running out and that would give me a big long sigh.

My big challenge this semester would be.. how to teach statistics to a math prodigy ? I have this song everytime I go to my 2pm and 830am class on wednesdays and thursdays.



waiting of u bb ;) hugs n kisses.. there's a surprise.. it's in your email.. i hope you like it... i love u..

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4T : twins turns three today

>> Monday, August 17, 2009


Fahim (left) : Eh, dah sampai ke ?
Farhan (right) : Tunggu jap, tengah siap ni...

you turn three today my twin nephews..
Happy Birthday Fahim & Farhan!
oh baby baby it's a wild world..

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30 seconds to Mars

I used to think Jared Leto is kinda cute when he acted in Urban Legend. Then I found out that he could rock too especially in The Kill. If we could achieve that (30 seconds to Mars), it would be a big deal.

But the thing is, I don't wanna go to Mars, even if it'll take me 30 seconds. A lot of talks about climate change (perhaps a good research interest to venture into) and global warming. And it's sad to see that people are unaware that their actions expedites this phenomena.

Like my friend dyanna, I too, want to change the world. and make it a better place. but i can't do it alone. But if I don't start, who will ? So, jom asing - asingkan our garbages to BIO, RECYCABLE, & NON RECYCABLE.. and close your shower tabs when you're not using water.

a small step can make a big difference. save the environment. please..

I hope technology can make 30 seconds take me to a place that I really wanna go. Oh wait, they have that already....

missing u b.

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hello, i've waited here for u, everlong

>> Friday, August 14, 2009

my husband is a gadget guy. he gave me his external hard disk with almost like 15GB of songs. i had a hard time choosing what I wanted to listen. Then I decided to listen to this one track that seems to be my all time favourite for some reason. So, right now, I am listening to foo fighter's walking after you. i love to listen to this song, especially when it's 5pm on a Friday evening and you're kinda having a headache from solving that distribution function technique and bivariate transformation that has multiple integrals (yes bb, i am practising my integration). kinda makes you feel hungry and wanting u to have hot chocolate at some coffee shop. dave ghorl's soothing voice sorta transported me to this place where everything is black and white and grey, but i am the only colored object (macam dalam movies rite?).

the semester will be starting soon and to be honest, i dunno if i'm ready to teach just yet. but the good part is, i will be teaching a very challenging subject, statistical inference. welcome to the wonderful world of statistics, hypothesis and theorems. i love it. the students are in fact, my mentees and they are more matured. hopefully my last semester here will be a memorable one :)

i am slowly, like really slowly getting the hang of the long distance deal. of course it'll come knocking at the door at odd times. when it rains, i will remember the time when i shared the same umbrella while walking back from the groceries with him.
i will smile or sometimes laugh alone when i think of the things he does and says..

"kenapa u unpack semua barang u?"
"i tak nak masuk geng u. geng buang masa cari baju dalam beg."

see, i'm laughing while typing this :)

hello i've waited here for you... ever long...........

Foo Fighter's ever long is one of our most frequent played song in PS3's Rock Band.

i'll be there soon enough b :) insha allah

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2 months

>> Thursday, August 13, 2009

'Pipi dah gemok la'

Yes! I said to myself while looking at the mirror. I gained some weight wooohoo!! I do feel like badan macam berat berat sikit. Perhaps those yogurts are working out for me :)

Today is our 2 months anniversary.

Happy anniversary bb :) ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen

*honeymoon in Krabi Island*

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mona lisa

>> Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I read this and it amazed me. ada pulak orang nak balik cawan teh kat mona lisa.

Today was the first meeting with the new students. And the usual introduction session was held. And that was the first time I heard myself saying it out loud.

"My name is Madam D... J. I am a statistics lecturer"

Wow.

The new semester will be commencing next week. I feel so karat now. It's been three months of no teaching. I'm not sure if I can write properly on the white board. And of course, the first class for every group. At least I'm certain that I am lefthanded... or am i ? heheh kidding.

I have been assigned only to teach Degree students for the July semester (yeay! woohooo!!) and September's Foundation which will start after raya. So, bz bz bz. Good la. Cause I wanna keep myself busy so that time will pass by quickly and suddenly it will be the end of 2009 :)

This semester's mode : serious and no play play. watch out students. ha ha ha.

This morning I reached the office and got this offline msg

Ikhwan:: Dora :: (8/12/2009 3:35:54 AM): hi bb.. i love u so much...sleep tight and have sweet dreams k.. missing u my wife ;)

And it's still on my desktop's icon.........

ich vermisse dich bb :)

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shiver

>> Monday, August 10, 2009

I was driving to work today and put on ROCK BAND CD compiled by my husband. It keeps me awake in the morning and also get the momentum going. So I was listening to Chris Martin singing shiver and I thought, ape lagu ni ? I think if anyone else singing it, it would be sooo damn sumbang. Do you notice the rhythm ??? but somehow Chris and all the coldplay band members did a great job in making the song quite a hit (sampai boleh masuk Rock Band tuuuu)

The weekend went by nak kata cepat pun tak, nak kata lambat pun tak. It went by like it was supposed to go by. I spent the Saturday hanging out at home, studying and cleaning up my room. And on Sunday I woke up supermorning (for a sunday morning) and headed out to The Curve (sepatutnya nak beli kasut and singgah Habib Jewel) but I ended up at Ikea queing up to pay things that I planned to buy later on, but since it was on sale of I swiped up the old card ;) hehehe

After the unexpected shopping spree, I did like other long distance marriage daughter in law would do. Visit the in laws. I had ayam percik sedap jugak cooked by my brother in law and hung out for awhile.

After that I hung out with my family and then chatted with Ikhwan. I told him my upcoming project and he gave me some ideas (brilliant ones actually) and I am now in the midst of starting it. So there will be less posts in here till the end of the year. But since Ikhwan enjoys reading my blog (ye ke b? ;) ) hehehe I will update once in a while.. Maybe the both of us will be occupied working on our new project jugak.. he will be assisting me la of course ;)

What project ? u might be thinking... well.. time will tell ;)

[me like me mystery]

Tschussssss! :)

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on the radio

>> Friday, August 07, 2009

Today's topic on mix.fm was "can a friendship turn into a relationship or marriage?"

I soo wanted to call them but I was driving to work nanti excited sangat bercerita tak concentrate on driving lak. Which is very dangerous and irresponsible.

So here's my story (bare with me ok, I am 11,000kms apart from my husband).
When we were 16 - 17 years old, I knew that Ikhwan existed (cause he was budak KL) and he knew that I existed (katanya ada perempuan nama Dora, cool name. Dia yang ckp ok.. hehehe). Perhaps we might berselisih at the classroom corridor without realizing that one day we will be married. In 1999, we became cyber friends and always chat (zaman zaman IRC.. kelakar tol hehehe). He would passionately tell me that he hates Siti Nurhaliza hehehe. And somewhere along the conversation, I felt that hey we connected. And everytime he was online, he would chat with me. We hung out a few times with other friends and once I did a birthday party and he came over to my house. Of course we did not talk much. And that was it.

A few years later, Ikhwan msged me on friendster . Hi. It's me Ikhwan. Remember me? We used to chat a lot after SPM. I was surprised that he remembered me and thought, 'lame dah tak contact mamat tu eh. dah kat German dah dia.' I checked out his profile and I couldn't recognize him cause he looked so different. That was it.

Suddenly in August 2005, he msged me again asking me if we can hang out for coffee. And I said ok. So for almost 7 years, finally we meet. And from just a friend, we developed a beautiful friendship that blossomed to a relationship and now we are married :)

Being a couple
It was not easy, sometimes internet is just not enough. We would call each other and talk for hours and scream everytime we look at the bill. The 6 sometimes 7 hours difference allowed us only to talk on odd hours since both of us were studying at that time. When we both started working, was a more challenging time but we managed to get through it.

How he proposed
On 10/08/08, we were driving to The Curve after a kenduri at his house. And before reaching the LDP toll, he finally proposed :) a place and time that I never expected at all. hehehehe

Engagement
We had a simple engagement on 16/08/09 (nisfu sya'aban), since we wanted to save $ for the wedding. Just his parents and my family. And a ring sebagai tanda chup. hehehe. I wore blue :)

Preparation for wedding
Since Ikhwan was in Germany after the engagement and till 3 weeks before the wedding, I was the designated shopper for both of the hantarans (which I loved to do) hehehe.

Akad Nikah
Alhamdulillah on 13/6/09 (no significant meaning to the date, just that was the only date that was available for both of us since we are both working) at 11.04, he lafazed his akad with just one lafaz :)

Reception
Reception was held at Dewan Felda Merak Kayangan and a week after was at Dewan Beringin Seri Gombak.

Honeymoon
We went to Krabi Island and had a nice relaxed time. And I took a semester off to follow him to Germany. We also went to Paris for his birthday and had a great time :)

Back to reality
We are continents apart but I think of him every second of everyday. Any ways possible to get in touch, we will find it. Since both of us sedang mencari rezeki, so we just have to be patient for now and pray hard that Allah will give us strength for these few months.

Plans for the future
Yes, to answer all your questions, I will go there to be with him. Just counting days. And of course, I would want my family to come and visit us :)

So to answer mix.fm's question, yes, a friendship really can blossom to a beautiful relationship.. and if you're lucky, sometimes marriage :)

ich liebe dich von ganzem Herzen, meine Mann Ikhwan

oh yes, at 12:34:56 today will be 12:34:56 7/8/9. A historical time :)

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kerja HR

>> Wednesday, August 05, 2009

I was in Shah Alam on Friday. I had to jaga a booth for the ICE Exhibition. Since the HR people weren't around (actually exhibition ni utk nak recruit people, so HR yang patut ada), I took over, asking questions, checking CVs.. takpe la.. something i'm quite familiar with when I was in HR last time.

A girl who looked very familiar came with his brother. Muka dia penuh dengan harapan and she filled up the form and asking me questions sambil borak2. All the while I was thinking, 'mana laa penah nampak dia? she looks soo familiar..'

girl : Dah lama ke dengan uni---? (notice that she didn't use any kata ganti nama)
me : yeah, tomorrow dah 2 tahun la kire nye :)
girl : wow.. lame gak ye.. lepas grad terus keje sini ke?
me : bole dikatakan la.. about one month after that, dpt keje sini.. rezeki..
girl : (smiling) oo ok.. sini nak jadi lecturer kena ada masters ke ?
me : yeah
girl : that means u dah ada masters ?
me : (angguk)
girl : oo ok.. lps degree u terus sambung ke?
me : (banyak pulak tanya minah ni) tak, after degree i worked for 2 years after that baru i smbung blajar. this is my 3rd job.
girl : (pandang atas, mcm tgh kire kire tp masih muka confused) ooo ok.. omg, mudanya dah ada masters.. bestnyer.. mcm i ni dah tua tua baru la nak smbung belajar.. hehehe
me : (smiling)
girl : r u married?
me : yeah last month (showing the ring and the inai)
girl : ye ke.. congratss... muda muda lagi dah kawin... (smiling)
me : (confused. how old does she think i am??) thanks :)


after she finished filling up the forms and submitting her CV, I saw the year she was born. 1983.
still confused. not complaining though :) i kinda like it.

my dear husband once said to me while we were walking to Netto, a grocery store nearby. we always kid around and make silly (sometimes lame) jokes on the way.
'kalau orang sini tgk u, mesti dia igt u budak kecik kan? mesti dia tak sangka u dah tua sbnrnya. hehehe :p'

ha'ah la b :)

i miss. i miss. i miss him. a lot.

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that is not a predicament

>> Tuesday, August 04, 2009

I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
not in the mood to socialize. right now, nope.

sorry.

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