my heart .. listen to my heart..

>> Sunday, January 25, 2009

There is a big question mark in my head leaving me with ambiguous answers. In my heart, the feeling of somewhat dangling and uncertain is silently disturbing. I don't know how to say it, or perhaps, if I did, I wouldn't want to be explicit about it. I am in a perplexed state of mind. In my soul, I am becoming lifeless and lively at the same time.

The my journey of my life, I have never crossed this junction. What could it be.. what could it be..

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my effort

To learn Basic German, click HERE and to download click HERE

To learn Arabic language, click HERE and HERE

ich lerne deutsch sprechen. I am learning to speak German.

la afham bil lagharatul Arabiah. I don't understand Arabic language.

I love learning foreign languages. Jom belajar ?

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my friday night : nasi kandar pelita bangsar

>> Friday, January 23, 2009

I told Mega this evening, "I tak nak keluar la malam ni. Tonight I wanna stay at home and just watch TV". I have been wanting to catch Alexander Bukan Zulkarnain on Astro OASIS. But my plans changed when I received an SMS from Adina at 8.07 pm when I was in my PJs on my bed;

"Bz? Aku nk kuar minum ngan azra. Jom?"

And just like that I changed to my jeans and wore like a 19 year old (I like wearing like teens nowadays), with my sling bag and black veil yang tak perlu digosok and went out.

This time we went out of KJ area and hit the city, Bangsar's Nasi Kandar Pelita. While waiting for Azra I shared with Adina what's been up with my life and she updated me with hers. It's been awhile since we hung out for drinks. Azra arrived the same time as our cheese naan did.

As usual, we talked about stuff and laughed like mad as though nobody's watching (feels good to be able to do that). I realize this time our talks have more substance and perhaps.. this may sound scary.. but i felt like 19 and 2+ at the same time.. we covered almost everything.. politics, economy, social, movies, traffic jams, policeman, internet, health, school days, university days, gossips, nescafe, type of coffee, babies, cars, motorcycles, storm rides, filing system, compatibility, fraud cases, travelling, age, aging, birthdays, work, engagements, marriage, divorce, religion, life, death, life after death, objectives in life, what we want in life, the best way to live life.. and what's interesting is that deep down inside our crazy little minds, we do know the best way to live life..

And after sharing with Din my orchestral event, I had one of those crystalizing moments and it all became clearer to me.. As I sat there, sturring my cup of warm teh-o-panas-kurang-manis, the words coming out of Din's and Azra's mouth were actually written for me to be heard at that exact time and at that exact moment and it's somehow Allah's way of reminding me those facts that we all know so well about but perhaps the substance has lived inside of us for so long that we might take it for granted.

Maybe, just maybe, inside our 2+ year old body and 19 year old minds, we have grown wiser than we may think.. The best part is, we still get to laugh at mamak stalls like nobody's business..

Another episode of Alexander Bukan Zulkarnain missed.. If this continues, I may need a new label call "friday nights" or "mamaks". wat say u people?

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my dreams and my hope

>> Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i've been having nice dreams lately.
it guess it balances with the nightmare i had a few days back.
weird indeed.

Conversation over dinner :

Ma: Amek la kangkung ni
Me: em.. (alamak sayur kangkung).. ok Ma.
Ma: tau tak mcmne datangnya nama sayur kangkung?
Me: Mcmne?
Ma: Orang dulu2 citer.. dulu masak sayur kangkung, bunyi kat kuali.. kang.. kung.. kang.. kung.. hehehe (joking)
Me: Hehehehe

Conversation after dinner :

Pa: Nama dia Barack Hussein Obama.
Ma: His father was a Muslim.
Me: Oh! bama! (melatah sambil basuh pinggan)

The Change We Need

Today at class, I felt like Coach Carter in the first half of the movie Coach Carter. Hope all ends well (like Coach Carter).. Wish me luck as I need loads of patience.....




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my students : Dec08/09

>> Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I have been assigned 8 mentees in our Mentor - Mentee Program. I told MSO that I'm gonna be like Dr.Cox in Scrubs being all cold and sarcastic and giving them nicknames like newbie, Gizmo etc. Blowing whistles and asking them to follow me around. Unfortunately, I do not work in a hospital and I don't get to do rounds (oh, darn it). And fortunate for them, I just cannot be like that.

The first meeting with 3 out of 8 of them was okay. We got to know each other and chatted for about 20 minutes since I didn't have much time. This semester I decided to take it down a notch and not put on that garang face. Turned out, students start to reach out to me or some sort. And I managed to gather some information about what sort of problems that face in their studies. I just hope that they don't take advantage of the situation. Previous semester, a colleague of mine heard this at the corridor;


"Siapa ajar ko Stat?"

"Ms. D---"
"Uish.. wei, aku dengar dia garang wei"

Am I garang? Perhaps at times I can be very serious la kot (I know it must be hard imagining me like that kan ShazZain.. cikyah.. Sheri.. Atika.. and others who know me from schooldays onwards.. hehe ).

I am right now facing with several challenges that perhaps academicians (mainly Mathematicians and Statisticians) can relate to. I am teaching a group of students who have very weak basic in Mathematics. And patience is an essential ingredient in teaching. The thing is, I am more than happy to guide them from zero if they are willing to learn but what makes me upset is the attitude that they have towards learning. Cutting class and making immature jokes during lectures is very frustrating (kecik hati cikgu).

Another challenge is that I have a class of almost 60 students and it gets really cramped inside the classroom. So there is a high chance of cheating during quizes and tests. I might have to resolve this quickly so that I can give more attention if they are in smaller groups.

The utmost challenge would be teaching the international students together with the local students. Yesterday, a new international student came in saying that he just flew in from S-----a. I have no problems in terms of language and communicating with them. They can speak English well and I too sometimes try to speak very basic Arabic with them. According to one of them, they can understand my lectures. Only that I must have empathy towards them. I must always remind myself that they have learned everything in Arabic and writing in Jawi for at least 17 years and for them to comprehend all this new knowledge in English must take quite some time. I wonder how it is like studying in a foreign land with a foreign language. But it's good that I had a good talk with one of them and he told me how different it was studying in his country and how he and the rest of them is adapting to the environment here.

I hope to learn more about my students. And I hope that I can at least try not to put on that garang face. I know I can be very garang when I mean serious business.

It's an interesting journey I guess. Being a lecturer is not just teaching but learning too.

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my memo

I received a memo today calling for a meeting in Shah Alam this Friday.
Suddenly, I felt that I'd rather be in Batang Berjuntai.

Why? God knows why...

So many updates. So many things happening. Alot of thinking to do (sampai terkeluar jerawat satu kat dahi). So little time.

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my friday night : syed

>> Sunday, January 18, 2009

I make it a point to hang out for drinks on Friday nights at least once a month, if possible with friends around PJ area. Since there have been emails on OTWC not being halal and with the Israelis inhuman acts towards our fellow Muslims, I decided to go to Syed instead.

Mich : Ko nak gi mane?
Do : Stabak dah xleh dah, old town pun xhalal. Gi Syed je la
Mich : Orait.
Do : Jap, Syed mane ni?
Mich : Syed KJ.
Do : KJ ada bnyk Syed la wei.. Syed Bistro, Syed SS5, Syed SS6, Syed tepi Giant..
Mich : Syed yg tepi Giant tu..
Do : Ada 2 Syed tepi Giant
Mich : Alamak.. Syed biasa lah..
Do : Oo.. Syed tepi Giant la
Mich : (muka tensyen)
Do : Hahaha

It has been awhile since I met my friend, Mich. We go way back in 2000 when she saw me holding a Butterfingers folder and I saw her wearing Butterfingers T-shirt. We talked alot about life, then and now and the future.

Mich will be tieing the knot in April and was expressing to me her feelings about it.

Mich : Takut hok.. Rase macam nak masuk asrama.. Masuk asrama baru. Kena beli baldi baru sume.. Nak kena kenal orang tu lagi.. Share share barang

And she did this act that made me laugh hysterically tanpa segan silu (the usual)

Mich : (hulur tangan kanan nak salam)
Hi, saya Mich. Awak Nerol ke? Room mate baru saya?
Em, awak tidur belah kiri ye. Saya belah kanan.
Tuala gantung kat mana?

I haven't had such a great laugh for so long. Hehe.. Syed does it all the time..

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my nightmare

I had a nightmare lastnite. It was like this... (note: this is rated PG13 ya)

I was rehearsing for our varsity play, Puteri Gunung Ledang and when we were having our take 5, i went out of the hall to get some drinks. I saw an old nenek on a wheelchair waving at me from our front gate and asking me to help her out from her wheelchair. I held out my hand signalling "kejap" and ran to the pak guard's house. Suddenly I heard a loud bang and someone screaming. I ran to the old lady and couldn't see any sign of her. Petrified, I was shaking and trying to search for her. To my surprise I saw her laying by the longkang with her wheelchair by the side. I screamed for help and there were a couple of guys who helped the old lady. One of them looked at me and shaking his head and the old lady was dead. I cried so hard and screamed "Nooooo!!" till I fell on the floor.

G (bukan nama sebenar tapi orang ni wujud) ran towards me and hugged me so tight I almost choked. I was crying because I thought I had killed the old lady. G tried to calm me down but I thought he was taking advantage of the situation. (Ape ni peluk2 orang?)
I cried and cried and G was saying "it's ok.. it's ok.. ". When I wanted to break off from his hug he didn't wanna let go. That's when I realized that he wasn't sincere.
"Oi ! Lepas la. Ape ni!" I repeatedly said that to him but he ignored and instead hugging me tighter and didn't wanna let go. I was scared and what made things worse was when the old lady suddenly stood up and stared at me. I watch her mouth movements saying "Aku akan kacau kau". I gasped and she laughed while walking towards an old house (boleh pulak jalan? tadi tak boleh bangun kat wheelchair and dah jatuh longkang lak tu). G followed the old lady while dragging me to the old house. They opened the door and nampak keadaannya macam nak tie me on a chair. It was so scary ok. But somehow, after a lot of struggling, I managed to run away from G and he chased me around the house. I went upstairs and hid in a room, behind the langsir. G entered the room with a big parang in his hand. I felt like Jennifer Love Hewit in I know what you did last summer. As G walked closer to me, I picked up a vase (ntah dari mana datangnya) and hit him in the head. He fell down and I saw blood coming out frm his head. Scary. I ran out of the house as fast as I could and suddenly arriving in a forest somesort and felt really tired from the chasing and the struggling. I sat for awhile while panting and sweating. I needed water. That's when I stood up and realized I was safely in my room on my bed. I was sweating and felt really tired and thirsty.

It was a real nightmare. And I don't think I can look at G the same way again. sheeish!

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my ol skool ol time Malay fave rock song

Maman sang this song to Eda Nerina in one of the scenes in Layar Lara. I thought it was marvelous.





I too sing to this song whenever I listen to it. It kinda takes me back to the 80s when I used to stay back at school and while doing my homework and the abang kantin will put on this song and sing his heart out imagining the mop as the microphone.

Yup. Old skool rock chic I am.

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my sunday dishes

While I was washing the dishes, my mom said this

Ma : Sayur macam ni semut suka
Me : Kenapa ma?
Ma : Sebab ada udang semua..
Me : (thinking) mungkin sbb ada udang di sebalik batu
Ma : Haha. Orang2 dulu pandai buat peribahasa.. Ada udang sebalik batu, sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga..
Me : Ha'ah kan.. dah la dah jatuh.. kena timpa tangga lak tu.. Kesian eh.. Agaknya sebab mula mula di melepaskan batuh kat tangga, lps tu jatuh and kena timpa tangga tuh.. bole gak kan ?
Ma : Orang dulu mmg mcm2..
Me : Terlajak perahu bole undur, terlajak kata ?

The perahu bit peribahasa got me thinking, why did the person who came up with the peribahasa relatekan perahu dengan kata kata ? Ada banyak bende yang bole terlajak and bole undur.. telajak kereta bole reverse.. terlajak jalan boleh patah balik.. why perahu ?

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my instant instinct

>> Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Memo to a prolific political scientist and an Islamic activist

Dr. Farish Noor, will you help me? The article I pasted on my board in my office with a picture of you on it is disturbing. (Not in a bad way, I might say).

oh dear.. evil eyes are lurking..

I'm putting my Phantom of the Opera mask again and I'm off till things are cool again.. or should I consider moving to another domain ? Haris, I might need your help on this.

I really hate saying this, but as some people say toodles~

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my random chats

>> Tuesday, January 13, 2009

DJ : did u just check out my blog ?
MSO : no i didnt..
MSO : i havent
MSO: why
DJ: ooo okay tnya jer
DJ: sbb ada from europe
DJ: eh germany is also under europe kan ?
MSO: europe.. how big is that
DJ: hehehehe

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my conclusion for confusion

MSO was not feeling well today. After coming back from work, I was online and cooked for abit , made kek batik for the 2nd time (ok, i admit it. the first time punya x jadi. I forgot to put in 1 important item), prepared dinner and basuh pinggan and borak wif MSO.

The usual updating about current events which are abit of a froth. And then I realized something I should do to myself. Perhaps, I should be more KENTAL. The earlier conversation with ShazZain kinda hit me when she said, "sebab ko kadang2 blur benda2 mcmni", which we both agreed is better that overanalyzing things, rite ShazZain?

See, I sometimes can't see or can't read between the lines and get frustrated when the lines are clearly outlined (i do get lost in translation.. I mean, literally.. seriously..). But now, I decided not to weigh it too much over my head and just let it be.. Since I have enough weighing to do with alot of things coming up ahead..cause perhaps.. it Allah's way to protect me :)

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my Sharona and hopefully not lost in translation

>> Monday, January 12, 2009

I couldnt help but bop my head to the beat of Ma ma ma myyyy sharona on Red 104.9 on the way back from work. The drivers from the opposite side saw me and suddenly bopped their heads too (I know, it sounds so like a Ben Stiller movie or some 30rock episode but that really happened, seriously..).

The day started with a gasp (takut lambat) and a smile (sebab belum lambat.. lagi..). The usual salam ritual with my parents for blessings and I was off to work. I wanted to make today a kick a** day. so I was hyped up with a lot of positive energy around. The morning class with the degree students was alright. Teaching 15 students in a class is manageable (when 14 of them are female students.. and I was singing Paula Cole's where have all the cowboys gone?).

After class, I was approached by a some sort of a Sabahan student who wanted to see me personally for some personal reason. After hearing his story, I said it was okay to enter my class. See, he has a low grade point average and judging from the way he speaks, I guess he is a changed person and is willing to work hard. As long as he has the will, I will too try my best to help him.

The interesting part of the day started in the afternoon with my foundation students. For this semester, I have 6 foundation students consist of 3 Malays, 2 Indians and 1 Chinese. Very muhibbah. I have even planned for them a treasure hunt or some sort of Explorace as one of their assignments. But as I entered the class today, on top of my Muhibbah students, I saw 3 international students. I thought I was in the wrong class. so I stepped out of the class for abit and later on realized that WAS my class. Ok, so no big deal. just 3 Sudanese students. So I had a brief ice breaking session with them and then came another 2. It felt really international when 3 other Sudanese joined the class. Turns out all of them changed courses so that they had to take Statistics.

I have to say, I enjoyed today's class. It was some experience. Studying with international students is very much different as to teaching them. They might get lost in translation. However, I could see that they concentrated in class and were really active compared to our local students. They even made casual jokes with me and actually understood MY jokes :) [ok, you should understand that it is very difficult to crack a joke with students without being offensive but friendly yet accepted and proper ones] And suddenly, from being very much muhibbah, we were very much international.. They also mananged to guess my age right (darn it).

After explaining to them. I asked, "Fahim tum?" and they answered "fahim tum" kot?
And again I asked "la musykil ?" So they figured, I could speak arabic (thanks to my dad's perseverance in studying Arabic, I can throw a couple of phrases). And one of them started to speak Arabic to me.. And I confidently nodded while saying "Na'am.. na'am"
I could see that he figured I was just saying that when I saw him turning to his friend and said something with a question mark kinda tone. And by the looks of his gestures, I think he said "did she understand what I was saying?" ahahaha... And apparently my name is a precious stone or pearl in Arabic if pronounced Durrah.. How cool is that ?

At the end of the class, one of them came up to me and said,
"Very nice lecture. Thank you Miss". No amount of bonuses or part time income could compete the feeling of having a student saying that to you. Indeed very rewarding. It may be a simple phrase but it means a lot to a person. And sometimes you might see your lecturers make that straight face but deep down inside, you have no idea how you make his/her day by saying that. I guess it goes the same way if you express your gratitude to someone. It makes them feel appreciated. So I resolve to say Thank you and mean it more often now :)

Perhaps what I was thinking in my head earlier while driving to work was right. Life is journey. You never know what's ahead of you. You can prepare yourself. Sometimes when you take a turn, you hope for no bumps and no jams. But even when you endure a jam and or bumps, you can always enjoy the journey with some great songs to make you feel happy, wonderful thoughts and never the least, prayers to keep you safe, Insya Allah.

Wish me luck for my challenging challenge this semester.. again.. The class was fun and I hope to maintain that environment for the whole semester and for as long as I am in this industry, InsyaAllah.. Guess I'm gonna have to add up Arabic on top of German language now.. hehehe I enjoy learning languages :)

Winona Ryder, her haircut and everything else in Reality Bites is just so cool.. Enjoy Ma ma ma my sharona.. this had resulted in me bopping my head for about a minute.. you might bop to it too hehe

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my classmate who used to freak me out

My classmate who used to freakme out (sorry Haris) has decided to actively blog again. Click at his name to view. [Aku tolong promotekan ye]. enjoy his creative writings..

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my break, my update

>> Saturday, January 10, 2009

I need a break from my break from blogging, get it? Plus, I need a break from packing my things. I posted my last post because I had so many things going around which had cause me to suffer from the writer's block. Plus I was upset at something which I now only came to realize I shouldn't be upset about. Many apologies..

My packing deal has been going on for weeks and days now, ever since I came back from my trip (which I have yet to blog about). I get most of the things done on weekends. So far, I am done with my wardrobe. Now comes other things, which makes it difficult since I am a very sentimental person (I like to keep things that are memorable).

Before the days of internet and handphones, the means of communication are mostly letters and postcards. I found like 4 shoe boxes of old letters since 1989 up to 2001/2002.. I have lots of long distance friends.. There were a lot of letters from my neighbour and my oldest buddy, Nadia where she used to write to me almost every month from Jitra Kedah.. When we were in form one, she still wrote to me from SSP telling me about boarding school life.. hehehe funny.. Ily Farhana, Nini, Harieny also wrote to me a few letters also from SSP :) It amazing how we used to share the most wildest secrets (apa la yang wild sangat secret at the age of 13? hehehe) and wrote about how we hated Science or that Math teacher heehehe and being in Kawat or stuff like that heheh..

When I went to MRSM, my family members and Sri Amanian friends wrote to me a whole lot of letters.. Mainly from Aliza and the geng (I found a letter where they wrote to me on a Pita Detik they stole from the Physics lab.. yer.. mereka memang nakal2 budak2 nyer hehehe), Yani, Alma, Zureen also wrote to me from Taiwan.. updating me who became Pengawas or who got braces.. siapa dah ada boyfriend from BBBS (kelakar2 hehehe).. a few chat friends also wrote to me which I still remember till now and added them in my facebook but never really talked.. Zaa' Eleena was once really close to me and she used to give me her writings and what she wrote to NST that got published.. giving me motivational quotes and my most favourite letter was when she gave me Andrea Zuckerman's Valedictorian speech (from Beverly Hills 90210) which I thought was very moving.. :) Nadia still actively wrote to me updating me about SSPians hehehe and we'd always compare how sucky our lives were back then hehehe.. Azlina got into MRSM PC and we would exchange gossips inter-MRSM hehehe.. A few Jasin friends like Suri, Azliza, Tun Firzara gave me dedications, a chat friend, Syahrul Ezzeri (who is now a Math prodigy in Oxford) actively telling me how he wanted to get out of MRSM so bad.. hehe..

I still keep some of the notes that we in Taiping always pass pass dalam bilik kawan2.. mainly from Atika (banyak gile ok) hehehe... SheriFour! hehehe (OMG! I still keep them.. kalau u baca sure gelak gile gile terbahak bahak.. hhehehe), Adina also gave a few (we jarang tulis tulis cause we always hang out heheh). we all had nicknames back then, Dora AeroG, Adina the Wild Wind Warrior.. hehehe Kelly Silverhawk and Ena the silent saleint.. Atika Carter, sherifour.. hehehe omg.. kelakar.. :)

After SPM, I went to KMS, still loads of letters.. most from my schoolmates.. during this time, handphones only existed among the rich ones who can afford it.. hehehe there was a letter from Atika telling me about some of her UKM friends brought handphones.. hehehe some of the KMS students also had handphones.. I envied those people.. I really wanted one back then ;p nampak cool~~ hehehe Nadia still wrote to me :p at that time she was sharing her Uni life in Uitm and I couldn't really imagine how it was like cause I was still in college.. KMS lagi.. very much like another MRSM life.. I kept some of the letters.. there were many from Perak....... also, i found cikyah's funny postcards where she sent from KMB, Banting. Adina wrote to me too from UTM. She was in the UTM-express program.. updating me about our Taiping friends there..

I guess the 'letters and postcards' era stopped after handphones became really cheap and affordable.. But some long distance friends.. like really really long distance friends (international) still kept in touch with me by sending pictures (masa ni digital camera belum lagi wujud) and raya cards, birthday cards, good luck cards and postcards.. I got many from US (ena, azlina, fathi jaafar pun rajin bagi, monina), UK (ikraam a few postcards, cikyah ko ada tak bagi dari UK? this guy named Hishamuddin which I totally cannot recall who and where I met him? still a mystery to me), Ireland (Spice, Mar),Scotland (zaa rajin gile bagi) and local ones I got many from JB (atik) and still a few from Perak also.

Gosh.. those were the days.. the letters and postcards days.. I find it really hard to throw some of the super old letters and postcards... wish I could keep them all.. I still keep some of them though.. Hopefully, then things are fully digital, I'd still have a few hard copy ones to remember them by...

Thank you friends. Your letters, postcards, birthday cards and raya cards brought me back to the yesteryears.. :) and it made wonder, "I used to be close to her/him... I wonder what happened.. and what is she/he up to now...?"

And now, even though my friends had stopped writing to me (due to technology i.e. SMS, email, YM and blogs heheh) , there is still someone who is far away who writes to me.. and sometimes gives me brown paper packages.. from Germany with love :) [tapi dah lame dah tak bagi.. masing masing busy.. hehe]



P/S : I still owe you a couple of entries..
a. my trip to singapore
b. my tag
c. my suprise blog entry
d. my 'you have to read this' entry
e. my successful kek batik

I'm back people.. ;)

ok. back to work now.

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my bad

>> Monday, January 05, 2009

i'm gonna stop writing for some time.
gonna b busy and stuff.
just a lot of things.
take care all.

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If the shoe fits..

>> Sunday, January 04, 2009

Yes. I did wake up quite early this morning. At 10am, while most people had just opened their eyes or still having breakfast, I was already on my way to The Gardens. I like to get up early and shop, early bird catches the worm. So I got myself a nice parking space right opposite the entrance and I thought, "this is gonna be a lovely day". So I headed to Isetan. My friend, Rizleen told me the shoes there are not bad and I had high hopes of getting myself at least one pair. I had my focus. ONLY shoes, no handbags (I bought a nice one in Singapore for a good deal).

Finding THE PERFECT SHOE is like finding THE PERFECT MAN. You have to click with it, be able to walk around with it, feel comfortable, and look good in it. I have the average Size 5 asean feet so I have to compete with the others. And knowing that today is the last day of Savings SALE, I didn't have much time.

I stumbled upon THE PERFECT SHOE at Bonia. Closed shoe, gold = price RM 399 with 50% discount. In fact, I found 2 pairs. I wanted to jump up and down and do my boogie dance because I have searched high and low for THE PERFECT SHOE (I found one in Singapore, tapi tak menyingkap jiwa, you know wat I mean?). I tried it and aaah.. PERFECT, so I asked the Salesgirl, "ada size 37 tak?"

Guess what... It was out of stock :( I could actually hear my heart being crushed (bunyik kaca) sigh~~ I called almost everybody I could think of to help me out to find this Bonia shoes. So I walked to Midvalley, none. And to Robinsons, none. Bonia shop pun none.

Nak menyedihkan lagi cerita, I also went to Dockers. I saw the sweater that I have been eyeing on.. dah le RM 178.00, apa lagi, angkat la.. But I guess, my day was just not that lucky, "size M dah habis kak" sigh..

Masih tak puas hati. I drove to Subang Parade and I said to myself, this is it la.. kalau takde, memang tak ditakdirkan to get the shoes and the sweater.. Unfortunately, still no luck...

Guess I'll just have to wait for another Mega sale.. Or perhaps I'll have better luck next time..

I came back with a 100g of Famous Amos, a working Bonia shoes brown color (not bad la), a broken heart with a back ache and an empty stomach.. I guess this early bird did not catch the worm :(

Lesson : Next time sale, go on the first day, especially when you wanna shop for shoes.. If only the shoe fits.....

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my first weekend of 2009

>> Saturday, January 03, 2009

Ok, ok. It has been 3 days of 2009. Let's review..

3. Get back on exercising. Specifically Saturday mornings before going to Pasar.

Update : I planned to go jogging with my friend but it was raining the whole morning. Went to pasar at 1030. I observed carefully how the guy chopped the chicken with full of confident and style. Today I identified ulam peria. Yeay!

4. Cook at least once a month.

Update : I cooked Daging Masak Kicap all by myself today without my mom's supervision or orders. Hehe.. turned out nice cuma minyak terlebih sket jer :) Guess I'm done for this month.. [not!] I found out that cooking is quite easy and fun once you get jiggy with it (this has been my favourite phrase nowadays) . But I like to sing or humm while cooking. There's a Malay myth saying that you can't sing in the kitchen. Nanti kahwin dengan orang tua.. (seriously? yikes! I guess Siti Nurhaliza used to sing in the kitchen.. Double yikes!!) Planning to make my famous Fried Macaroni this evening. Hope it'll turn out nice this time :)

5. Improve on my English and German

Update : Planning on taking some German classes this month InsyaAllah. Perhaps the one nearby Atria. Anyone wanna join ?


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Planns for Tomorrow (040109)

Pagi
Thinking of waking up super early and head onto The Gardens' Isetan to check out some shoes. Saw a pair of nice shoes from Elle yesterday which was on 70% discount. Dark brown and cream. Looks real professional. Need new working shoes. I also need to get a white / silver manik2 Kimora Lee kinda shoes and gold ones too.

Tengahari
Kemas rumah. Iron my working clothes for the week.

Malam
Study Calculus for abit, online, rest and watch Scrubs Season 6 till I doze off.

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Seven Things No One Tells You About Marriage

I got this from yahoo.com... check it out.. betulke kawan2ku yang sudah berumahtangga ? beginikah sebenarnya ?



That may sound grim. But here's a secret: Sometimes it's the least romantic parts of marriage that have the most to teach you about yourself, your partner, and the nature of love. Read on for some simple truths that will unlock the surprising treasures and pleasures in your imperfect, unstorybook, real-life love.

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, Is this it? Forever?

When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy -- your soul mate -- you'll be happy together until death do you part. Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn't make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, "This is so not what I signed up for."
Actually, it is. You just didn't realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other's faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that "for better and for worse" doesn't kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills. That's when the disappointment sneaks in, and maybe even a palpable sense of loneliness and grief. It's not him. It's just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You're learning that marriage isn't a destination; it's a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.
Waking up from a good dream to face the harsh morning daylight may not seem like a reason to celebrate. But trust me, it is. Because once you let go of all the hokey stories of eternal bliss, you find that the reality of marriage is far richer and more rewarding than you ever could have guessed. Hard, yes. Frustrating, yes. But full of its own powerful, quiet enchantments just the same, and that's better than any fairy tale.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.

Early on, when people say, "Marriage takes work," you assume "work" means being patient when he forgets to put down the toilet seat. In your naivete, you think that you will struggle to accommodate some annoying habit, like persistent knuckle cracking or flatulence.
If only it were that easy. Human beings, you may have noticed, are not simple creatures. Your man has mysterious, unplumbed depths -- and from where he sits, you're pretty complicated, too. You have to learn each other the same way that you once learned earth science or world geography. And getting married doesn't mean you're done -- it just means you've advanced to graduate-level studies. That's because every time you think you've mastered the material, he'll change a bit. And so will you. As two people grow and evolve, the real work of marriage is finding a way to relate to and nurture each other in the process.
"It's like losing weight," says Andrea Harden, 45, of Buffalo, NY. "You want it to be a one-time deal. You lost it, now just live. But then you learn it's a lifestyle. That's marriage. The effort is a forever thing." So don't be too hard on yourself -- or him -- on those days when you feel like you're struggling through remedial math.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).

Whoever decided to tell newlyweds "Never go to bed angry" doesn't know what it's like inside a bedroom where tears and accusations fly as one spouse talks the other into a woozy stupor until night meets the dawn. If this scenario sounds familiar, I've got three words for you: Sleep on it.
You need to calm down. You need to gain perspective. You need to just give it a rest. I've found that an argument of any quality, like a fine wine, needs to breathe. A break in the action will help you figure out whether you're angry, hurt, or both, and then pinpoint the exact source. Maybe the fight that seemed to erupt over the overflowing garbage can is really about feeling underappreciated. Could be you're both stressed out at work and just needed to unload on someone. Taking a break will help you see that, and let go. Or maybe you really do have a legitimate disagreement to work out. Without a time-out, sometimes a perfectly good argument can turn into an endless round of silly back-and-forth, rehashing old and irrelevant transgressions as you get more and more wound up.

Even when you do manage to stay focused and on topic, there are some fights that stubbornly refuse to die by bedtime. And if you stifle your real feelings just to meet some arbitrary deadline, your marriage will surely be the worse for it. "This was a huge lesson for me," says Andrea. "As women we've been trained to make nice. But the whole kiss-and-make-up thing just to keep the peace was eating me up inside. I'd let things build up inside me until I just exploded. Now I wait a while to get hold of myself -- let the emotions settle a bit -- and state my position. Even if that means reopening the fight the next day."

4. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.

I can be a bit of a know-it-all. There, I said it. It's really not my intention to be hurtful or brash with people I love. It's just that a lifetime of experience has taught me that in most areas, at most times, I am right about most things. What shocked me several years into my marriage, though, was the realization that the more "right" I was, the more discontented my husband and I were as a couple. See, oddly enough, throughout his life Genoveso has been under the misguided impression that he's right most of the time (go figure!). So we'd lock horns -- often. That is, until I learned a few things.
Namely, that when it comes to certain disagreements, there is no right or wrong -- there is simply your way of looking at things and your husband's. "I used to be very black-and-white earlier in our marriage," says Lindy Vincent, 38, who lives in Minneapolis. "Now I see that I'm not all right and my husband is not all wrong. There's more gray in life than I thought, and that's taught me patience and the value of compromise."

5. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.

Maybe you think that because of my newfound wisdom, Genoveso and I never fight anymore. Ha! As important as it is to strike a balance, it's also important to have a big, fat fight every now and then. Because when you fight, you don't just raise your voices; you raise real -- sometimes buried -- issues that challenge you to come to a clearer understanding of you, your man, and your relationship. I wouldn't give up our fights for anything in the world, because I know in the end they won't break us; they'll only make us stronger.

6. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.

Ever seen the '80s sci-fi cult classic "Making Mr. Right?" When the stylish heroine, played by Ann Magnuson, is hired to teach a robot how to act like a human, she seizes the chance to create a perfect guy. A hotshot commercial whiz, she uses her marketing prowess to shape John Malkovich's android character into her personal version of the ideal man -- sensitive, eager to please, and willing to listen.

There is a bit of that makeover fantasy in all of us -- something that makes us believe we can change the person we love, make him just a little bit closer to perfect. We may use support and empathy or shouts and ultimatums, but with dogged conviction we take on this huge responsibility, convinced we're doing the right thing.
Whatever our motives, the effort is exhausting. Transforming a full-grown man -- stripping him of decades-old habits, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies -- is truly an impossible task. And you will come to realize, sooner than later if you're lucky, that it is far easier to change the way you respond to him.

7. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.

There were clues when Genoveso and I were dating, especially with the trust thing. Early on, I was supersuspicious of him. He used to say things like, "I'll call you at 8." Then, just to try to trip me up, he'd call at 8. I knew he was up to something, I just couldn't figure out what. The same kinds of experiences followed after the wedding. Except occasionally he would actually mess up. And I had no sense of scale when it came to rating his offenses; everything was a major violation. Whether he teased me about a new haircut or came home late, I seethed for days and even let thoughts of divorce creep into my head. I figured, if he loved me -- really and truly -- this stuff wouldn't happen.

I'd like to be able to say that this irrational behavior lasted only a few months and I eventually worked it out. Kind of, sort of, is closer to the truth. After years of looking deeply into my soul and talking to good friends and the best sister a girl could ever have, I've come to recognize certain things about myself. Not to get all Dr. Phil about it, but I've had to examine my history with an emotionally distant dad and a strong-willed mom and face up to all the ways, both good and bad, that those relationships have affected how I approach my marriage.

That's the strange beauty of marriage: It's full of hard times and hard lessons that no one can ever prepare you for. But in the end, those are the things that give richness to your life together -- and make your love even deeper and stronger than when it began.

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my musical

>> Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year people! Yes, we get ourselves a fresh new planner, diary. we open up a new page. another blank page. and hopefully it shall be written with full of wonderful memories just like 2008. We start with zero, fresh and everything nice.

As for me, 1st January started early and late at the same time. I had the previous post scheduled to be posted on 12.01 am, the first minute of a new year. Of course I celebrated with MSO but during the countdown, the net was really poor and I had to go to the loo. And as I walked out of the toilet, I heard fireworks (dari The Curve agaknya). How I wish I could see the fireworks but I just cannot bear the jam and the crowd. Takpelah. Being at home with your loved ones is not bad at all :) we spent almost 2 hours chatting and he had to go out for dinner and celebrate his new year (7 hour difference).

I woke up at 645 for Subuh prayers and sent him an sms (just nice before his new year) and continued sleeping. I opened my eyes again at almost 1030 and like a zombie I had my breakfast. Had a chit chat with Kak Farah over breakfast and she was telling my types of diamond stones and certificates (interesting). At 11, it all started... I started packing..

For what ? you might ask. I will be moving out real soon.
To where ? you might ask again. Out of my house le.
But why ? (yes, i see you in the red shirt back there asking yourself) We're gonna betulkan the bumbung and atap of our house.

I came to know that I have LOADS of bajus and tudungs and anak tudungs and undergarments. seriously. itu wardrobe. And at this very moment, I still have about 40% packing and clearing up to do. So to make my activity less boring, I decided to put on a DVD. Since I have been watching season 6 of Scrubs, and I find the episode The Musical rather interesting, I chose Sound of Music (one of the 11 DVDs I bought in JB).

Yep. I am an oldie person. MSO always say that I am an ol'skool chic. I watch Grease, Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, listen to The Beatles, Bananarama, Guns & Roses, Def Leppard, big bands and swing music, The Beach Boys (sigh~ those were the days).

So there I was, sitting in the middle of my room basically drowning in a pile of clothes, and singing to ".. the hills are alive... with the sound of music..... " and to my surprise, my room was filled with Kakfarah, Abg Amir and my dad, (my mom jengok gak kekdg) and we all watched the sound of music.. heheh especially the part where they sang My Favourite Things.
[Confession : This is still my favourite song, I listen to it everyday on my way to work from my MP3]

"..girls in white dresses and blue satin sashes... snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes.. silver white winters that melt into spring.. these are a few of my favourite things"



Sigh.. And I wonder.. If only our lives were a musical.. How would it be like....?

jreng jreng jreng... (bunyi lagu yang imagine tu)

Dora : (singing) Mamaaaaaa.... where do I put these boxes.......... ?
Mama : (singing) Just put them over there............
Dora : (singing) I think I still want this Dockers.....
Mama : (singing) Do you think you can still wear......(long)............ (not singing) them.

[Imagination ni saja dibuat supaya the song will rhyme]

I find it funny yet entertaining when everytime I watch a musical, someone from somewhere will pop out and continue the next phrase or verse.. and suddenly you have a group of people unanimously singing the chorus and having the same dance step choreographed so perfectly and when the song finishes, everybody just stop and continue what they were doing as though nothing happened... and suddenly after a few moments, the lead singer will sing just a line or two as the closing while his/her hands open widely into the air.

if only our lives were a musical..

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Welcome 2009

1. Same like Sheri's, I too want to improve on my prayers.

Reason : I am not perfect. I am only human. But I pray to Allah that I can maintain this resolution for the rest of my life, insyaAllah. I will try my very best not to miss a single solat, insyaAllah.

2. Maintain my weight.

Reason : Every year I intend to gain weight. Believe me, if you see my appetite to eat, you would be surprise why I am still skinny. Sometimes I get tired of people telling me, EEEE KURUSNYER. I tried to ignore those comments, and sometimes membackfire kan to those who saje say that because they know how irritated I would be. But now, I have decided to maintain my weight. (orang kurus sgt tensyen gk bila pakai baju and seluar longgar or tenggelam.. )Eat like normal and then comes my 3rd resolution.

3. Get back on exercising. Specifically saturday mornings before going to Pasar.

Reason : I leave the house at 645 am and reach home at 730pm almost everyday. I feel lethargic after having 6 hours of lectures, berdiri. and I always mandi malam. It's not healthy. So I want to exercise on weekends.

4. Cook at least once a month.

Reason : Ok. That is my benchmark, considering I have no time to cook on weekdays. Kalau rajin pun on Friday nights. Sometimes Saturdays. But I am setting it low so that when I review and dpt lebih sket, baru rase best :p

5. Improve on my English and German

Reason : Mastering English has always been my dream. So I will try to read more and discover more writers who has the same feel as I do. German ? I think some of you know why I need to improve on my German. (no, pakwe saya bukan org German)

6. Spend more time with family members and friends.

Reason : I have a life. And my life does not consume only shopping or lazing around. I wanna appreciate each and every moment I have with my family members especially. More family gatherings, makan - makan and gurau senda. Karaoke sessions with friends and perhaps bowling once in a while..

7. Improve on my Integration.

Reason : I suck at Calculus (cikgu Stat). I need to teach Business Mathematics this semester so macam whoaaaa... A lot of integrations, matrices, L'hopital's Rule, Chain Rule, Gaussian Method, Newton Rhapson, dan macam - macam lagi. So I really need to brush up on my calculus.

8. Spend wisely

Reason : I need to save up for something that will change my life. seriously.

9. Find other part time gigs.

Reason : I like to do this. What I really want right now is some crazy Wide Angle Lenses, Fish Eye Lenses, Standar Lenses and Zoom Lenses. I hope to buy it using my part time gigs. For me, getting paycheck from my varsity saja mmg alhamdulilah cukup. But the thought of having other income is exciting. I hope I can naik atas lagi dari Golden Circle at AVON, get more commission from my zhulian, research works from uitm hopefully, photography gigs (if any).

10. Work smart, play the cards right and dance his rhythm (the last one is a metaphor).

Reason : House.

So Goodbye 2008. It has been a great year!
Welcome 2009!

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