my spectrum of life

My ex-student, a part time model hung out with me today and lend me her book titled Alek (From Sudanese Refugee to International Supermodel). As she walked out from my office she said this,

"Takpe, take your time.. Bila I baca, I felt so inspired.. If dia yang susah susah boleh jadi supermodel, I pun boleh.. ahahahahahah"

Yup, that's right. She's considered quite close to me and calls me babe. Weird ? I know.. Takpe lah, since she is my ex-student and just 2 years younger than me, I'm okay.

Earlier this morning, my current student came by to see me to ask me questions. A very hard working guy and very sincere at heart. Somehow I could see it that he really wants to succeed. Unfortunately though, he is quite weak. I was filled with mixed emotions. I felt that even though he is hardworking but he doesn't know the proper technique of studying. Tapi dia nak berjaya. And at that very moment as I sat there watching him with full of determination trying to redo the question we discussed and trying to comprehend it, the images of Prof SK suddenly popped in my head in a black and white screen and he was saying this,

"It's our duty to guide them.. Not everyone is born smart and brilliant but we can help to shape them to be a successful person. Itu amanah kita.. Sometimes what we do that we might think is a small thing, could mean a lot to them.. "

He told me his CGPA and I could see that he is scared that I might judge him. But I made it clear that he has to work hard to improve on his CGPA. And he will succeed if he has the determination and willpower.. I felt sad when he said this,

"Saya memang tak pandai Maths Miss.. Terus terang saya cakap.. Tapi saya yakin Miss.. Saya akan usaha Miss.. Saya akan buktikan kat Miss yang saya boleh.. Tapi Miss kena tolong saya.. Saya mungkin akan tanya soalan bodoh sebab saya kadang - kadang memang tak paham.. tapi saya malu nak tanya.. nanti orang cakap.. eh dia ni, benda ni pun nak tanya?"

"Takpe.. Senang je, you jumpa saya personally and nak tanya apa - apa pun tanya je.. insyaAllah saya akan tolong"

"Terima kasih miss.. Ni dah citer kat miss ni saya rasa lega sket"

Why do I feel sad ? I wonder who had made him feel scared of asking. When you make them feel scared of asking, you make them feel scared to learn. I feel that no one should feel scared of asking questions..Sayang sekali..

Looking at him made me remember vividly the first time I met with my mentor aka my morrie Prof Aziz when I came to see him telling him my intentions to register for postgraduate school back in 2005.

"Saya memang nak sambung blajar Prof.. Tapi saya bukanlah pelajar yang cemerlang sangat Prof.. Saya average saje.. But I want to be an academician.. Prof rasa saya boleh buat ke ? "

He smiled and said this, "If you betul - betul nak, memang boleh.. saya takde masalah.. Saya memang akan accept student.. Setiap orang tu patut diberi peluang.. kalau ada keinginan.. memang boleh berjaya..."

A few simple words and with that I had the light of confidence to register for my post graduate. Yes, I was not the brightest students. I blame myself for not practising the proper technique of learning. But at least I learned from my mistakes and I can tell my students not to do the same. I was given a second chance in learning and worked hard for it as I know I wasn't the brightest. Pastinya tak tidor malam and literally crying while doing assignments and drinking bottomless coffee almost every night which had made me a coffee addict now. Everytime I always tell myself, "I will get through this... I will get through this.." I am fortunate to have wonderful family members who supported me and friends who fought the battle together.. Those are beautiful memories. I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to learn and thankful for that. The song that had helped me through would be Taylor Hick's Do I make you proud? and everyday before class, I would imagine my parents waiting for me outside the hall with a scroll in my hand.. I always envisioned that.. I guess it's true.. The mind is a very powerful tool..

My room is being visited by students almost everyday. Why ? Because this semester, I have become less garang. I guess to reach out to them, ada cara nya kot.. And I finally found out how..

With all the things happening around me makes my life more colorful nowadays, insyaAllah :)