my cousin .. may he rest in peace

The day started with a paw. It was Wednesday and I remembered clearly what I wore. A red shirt and a black vest kinda. While listening to my MP3, I tried to search for my hand phone to see if there were any missed calls.

Kalot kalot.

Damn it. I forgot my hand phone .. again. And I am sure my father will give me the same lecture on putting everything that I need at one place before leaving for work (I always leave things behind).

It was the first day after a long weekend and everybody was still on their weekend mode mood. But not me, I was hyped up to go to work already. I had everything planned out. What to do and what I must accomplish for that day.

After the 1030 class, we went to lunch. Most cafes were still closed due to the long weekend. So we headed out of our faculty to search for food. We kinda lost our bearing for a minute. We headed to Engineering Faculty. Rumour has it that the cafe is good. Unfortunately it was closed. So, makan nasi ayam kat PP which was equally good. Must be thankful that we still manage to find food.

"Taktau nape, harini rasa macam..... lost" Suddenly the words came out of my mouth without knowing why I said it and what me say it.

Before 2pm class, as I was taking my wudhu', at the 3rd time I wanted to wash my left feet, the water suddenly stop dripping.. and we had no water for the day.. aduih..

At 2pm class, a glitch happened at class (ok, tak bole elaborate).

After 2pm class, as usual, students came to see me to ask questions for clarifications and had a sesi luah perasaan kejap.

Without realizing, I glanced at my watch and it was 5pm. Alamak, kena gi toilet hujung nak amek air smbhyg nih. So I asked Chik to accompany me to the toilet hujung... Malang sungguh tidak berbau... I cannot explain how.. but I lost my watch.. the watch that MSO gave me 3 years ago when we first started dating.. the watch that he mailed from Europe.. I had lost it.. Little that I know, the last glance at my watch was at 5pm... I cried.. During prayers, I still cried.. and on the bus, on the way back.. i cried.. I cried hard till I almost lost my voice.. And I couldn't SMS him about it because I left my phone at home..

While driving back.. I felt something that I haven't felt for quite some time.. I felt.. something which I cannot explain.. It's just this feeling..

The moment I reached home, I went straight to my mom and said,
"Ma, jam Dora hilang.. masuk kat dalam... "

My mom just looked at me and said, "Abang Sopie baru meninggal... "

Just those few words, I felt my heart stopped beating for a solid 5 seconds. I just stood there and said, "Innalillah.... " My mother explained how he passed away. I was still at a state of shock when she was talking.

He had lung problems but he never told anyone about it. He was in Terengganu with his family for a holiday and suddenly he suffocated and had breathing problems and just like that.. his life was taken away..

I thought about how the day went. And how weird it was when I said "Harini rasa macam... lost", perhaps pintu langit terbuka and those words that I uttered unintentionally became a prayer that was answered by Allah. It's scary when I think about it. I should really be careful of what I say. I didn't know that I could lose my watch.. and also my cousin.. Losing a watch was a very sad event. I am still sad everytime I look at the time, I would remember the times that I had glanced at that watch.. But after getting the news, I realized that losing a person is far more devastating which can never be replaced with any amount of money..

My cousin, Ahmad Suffian Othman, 43, was a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a cousin. A very happy man, always smiled and people loved to talk to him.. His presence has always made people feel at ease. I remember he used to tease me "Dah pukul 15?" because I used to hisap susu botol at 3pm sharp (punctual). He still teased me the last raya that we met.. But unfortunately, the recent raya, we didn't meet up. Takde rezeki.

At his tahlil, somehow, I could feel his presence. I could feel how much he was loved by everyone..

Words by his father who was smiling when he said this: "I love my son. He was a good boy."

Al- Fatihah to Arwah Abang Sopie.. You shall be missed..