my changes

As much as I hate changes, I like changing the color of my blog. As you can see, it's now turquoise (i like to say it as a fancy blue). Only this year, I've changed it 3 times I think.

"The more the world changes, the more I try to be the same.." Kurt Cobain once said..

I guess this is me trying to be the same. I am going through some major changes in my life as well. Well, not just yet, just preparing myself for the changes. But I have somehow managed to survive the changes that I have gone through in my life (although takde la major sangat, but at that time it was pretty significant and substantial)

I have managed to go through puberty, teen hood and peer pressure (Sri Amanian). I was the sidelines between the majority and minority. I hung out with people from several groups, the glamourous, the gangsters, the nerds and geeks, the pious ones and the ones who doesnt belong to any group. Survived.

Then, off to boarding school where I had to go through a 360 culture shock (totally opposite from Sri Aman) where everything was very Islamic, black-and-white-screen-tv-kinda and disciplined and everyone walked really fast because they want to kejar masa (I have adapted to that change, I too, now walk really fast). Survived.

10 years ago. This time, I was at college. I went to some major changes where I was at the state of 'finding my true identity'. My life in college was somesort of like the story KAMI only less drama. And of course having experience my first so called love. It lasted for about 10 months because I guess studies was more important at that time. We stayed as friends but somehow lost contact along the way. Last I heard, he got hitched at 21 and now has a beautiful baby boy. It was a roller coaster ride but alas, Survived.

My first degree in my proud alma mater, my varsity, UKM. Where the trees as big with leaves falling in the evening that gives you that 'study' vibe. Also, another change. Because I went through spoonfeeding studying to self independent studying. I flunked Calculus even though the lecturer was superb but I have always understood Statistics. But I was always average. This major change has effected my life so deeply that I swore to be a good teacher so that they know the proper way of studying. My lecturers were great, it's just that I didn't know the right way to score papers. Somehow I managed to find the secret ingredient where there is no secret ingredient of success, it's just try.. try.. and try again.. and so I did that. Having to go through all that, I survived to obtain my degree in actuarial science with as an average student.

Work life was another new chapter for me. After so many years of being involved in the Malay society, I was the only Malay Muslim with hijab working in a bank where they work hard, drink hard, karaoke hard and party hard and everything was 'ok, no problem'. made some great friends though and they still wonder how I look like without my hijab (till today I think). survived but I moved to another bank where there were less drinking but more work. coming back at 9 - 10 pm was the usual routine especially when payroll starts. survived. but wasn't happy. this was when I ended my 2nd relationship and decided that I need a new life.

A beautiful new chapter starts when I quit my job and magically met my significant other (MSO) who happens to be my very close chat friend 10 years ago and also my schoolmate. In between quitting my job and enrolling for my postgrad, we went out a lot and got really close. A change. A big change. A significant change. will I survive this change ? that's the journey that I am about to embark to, insyaAllah..

my significant other... ich vermisse dich.. es tut mir leid..